An Apology from my MLC ex-wife

[MHL]

MHL, what gave me the "chill" you describe is her saying the part about not wanting YOU to revert to old habits...because that, coupled with her not talking about herself anymore, again made it seem like she was externalizing the problems of the marriage on to you.

Antonia,
Yes, she is definitely externalizing the demise of the marriage. I suspect it is way too painful to look at her actions and think about them. My XW is currently exchanging letters with my D14 (soon to be 15) and they are going through my daughter's therapist. The issues that my daughter has with her mother are the same as mine but from a perspective of daughter and mine are from the perspective of a husband.

I think that it takes a very long time for the MLCer to start to think about and put themselves in the shoes of those people around them that they have hurt.

My XW has acknowledged that her decisions have caused pain however she sees her own pain as an "equalizer" of sorts. They have to realize that they are the "architects" of their own misery. I think that comes when they start to realize that they alone have the power to make themselves truly happy.

When and if they do ever trully make themselves happy then comes the realization that no one else in their lives ever really caused them to have the problems they had or are having.

We too hopefully find this out.......when you do it is liberating and life changing.

You are an inspiration man.

I love this too:

The lesson for all of us is that it is not about finding that green patch of grass but rather learning to grow the green grass under your own feet.

Keep us posted.

Tad

Tad,

Thank you, I am glad that my story inspires you. I come back to post my story to show that this thing, MLC does exist and it takes a very long time.

MLC is not an excuse, just an explaination of something that is nothing short of horrific for everyone involved. My hope is that anyone reading, and especially you TAD, can gain some insight or perspective or some better understanding to their own situation.

Hard to believe that I am 2 years and 4 months post bomb and I still clearly see that my XW is still in the throws of her MLC. After this much time you get to be a professional at spotting the behavior and the language of the MLCer. The understanding helps you remain detached and unaffected by their words and deeds.

Cheers