What was I an idiot? Of course there's an OM...

[workinghardguy]

Ok... here is a question for the wise ones on the board. DR and my DB coach say to look for the small, incremental changes. Don't expect "I love you, I'm sorry I did this, and everything is better" to ever come out of your spouse's mouth. Instead look for small changes in their behavior, especially if in proximity to a 180. Ok... that makes sense. This is a marathon of baby steps.

But how do you reconcile that with overanalyzing everything? Reading too much into any one event that makes you see it as a baby step when it turns out it's just an anomaly?

Here's an example... last night my W got home earlier than expected. We talked a little and I started getting ready for bed. We talked about today's schedule. She got testy because she probably couldn't go to her guitar lesson tonight because of my all-day work event today that "you just dropped on me this morning." Ummm.. no dear, we talked about it on Monday, via text message, and I asked if your sister could watch the kids because i wasn't going to drag my mom 30 miles to watch the kids for a 30 minute guitar lesson. She replied that she would take care of it.

So when she accused me last night of "dumping it on her" I stood up for myself. In the past I would've meekly stood up to her and then apologized for the work trip and gone off to sulk. But last night I stood my ground and reminded her of Monday. Then I pulled out my phone to go over the messages. Then she did. Then she realized she was wrong. She was still testy, but now at herself not me.

Ok... fast forward to this morning. She's in a pretty good mood and we're having fun with the kids and getting ready. Talking about her day and whatnot. She tells me that her hormones must be crazy right now because she had a dream last night about our favorite restaurant in the whole world. It's really a fondue chain and we've been to sites in five states. We talk a little bit about how good it is. Then a little later we're talking with our S and she suddenly winks at me.

Now... the "looking for positive reactions to my 180" brain says yes.. see? I stood up for myself and pushed her back and it got a good reaction the next morning. But the "let's not get our hopes up" brain says... it was just a morning that went well. Doesn't mean anything, don't even focus on it.

This is where my head starts to hurt.