Last night when i came to bed, h asked me if i was ok...and if i wanted to talk. I told him i was good...but could we talk another time. Well...he's picking up on my avoidance of r talks...cause he said he noticed i didnt talk as much lately. I told him that i was feeling pretty good and that if he needed me to listen i would.
So he repeated himself again...and told me he was going to stay with me. And i said..."is that a decision that feels right in your heart?" And he said yes...but that he felt we still needed counseling. And i just nodded. Then we just laid there and he was quiet for awhile...and before he fell asleep he made a comment that he was "coming back to me in his heart...but only a little bit right now". Then he opened his eyes and looked at me as if he were waiting for a response...so i said..."this makes me really happy..." and he said..."i never left you to begin with"
I said nothing to this...and we fell asleep. Part of me wanted to say...yes you did leave...your physical body was here but not your heart and mind. I'm not going to call him out on the comment..but i find it interesting how he feels he never left me.
Since he felt a need to mention it two times to me that he is staying...i wonder if his decision has been truly made. I want to watch his actions at this point and fo from there. It almost seems like some small change in him happened last night hut i could be wrong and its just more mlc talk.
Today...it is his day off, and to his surprise, i will be gone all day with my friend in town shopping with her and doing girl stuff. When he found out i was to be away he seemed like he was not happy about it. He then asked if i'll be back to watch the world series with him...and seemed happy again when i said i would.
In the days before bd, i would never plan things on his day off so we could be together...but i want him to see i can gal...that i am not going to cling to him...and that i can do things without him and his help. These are changes that are small but i think he is seeing them. It is interesting how now, after weeks of his head being in the clouds he is slowly seeing things.
