NEED ADVICE

[gunny]

Good morning all,
Had my first session with db coaching yesterday. Good experience. Wasnt sure if coaching would even be useful at my stage i.e. s leaving tomorrow, but the coach said its really not unusual for her to be working with people who are either already divorced or have already filed.

The really positive thing that I got out of the session was that I felt like I at least walked away with a strategy, a framework to work with.

She told me that there are 4 stages in a sitch like mine. I am in stage one, where, basically I have to let the dust settle and basically do no harm. Leave on a good not, do not pursue, and tell the sp that she has given me an opportunity to do some real soul searching, that I get what she has been trying to tell me, i.e. r was no longer fun, lacked passion etc, and I realize that she is under no obligation to work on our r.

I will be saying my final farewells to my wife tonight, and then will be leaving to stay at SIL until she leaves tomorrow. She told me this morning that she knows she must leave in order for me to begin healing, that we will still be in contact, and that we will still be friends.

I agree with the coach, must let dust settle. I told coach that I was going to tell s when I said goodbye that I hope she found what she was searching for, she said do not say this, it sounds too final.

As I began to describe my sitch, she quickly picked up on it and began to ask me specific questions that honed in on the crux of our problems. She said she has heard maybe 7000 stories over the years and they tend to follow a similar script.

So, she believes my s is in escape mode, is returning home to relive old fantasies, and very interestingly, she said emotionally, s is still 15 years old(which is the age when her stepfather started to abuse her). She is acting in a very adolescent way and is in a crisis situation.

Well, just wanted to bring things up to date. Thanks again all for your encouragement, esp the suggestion about trying the coach, I did feel better after talking to her, and have my second session in about 9 days. Good day to all!