W just texted asking if I remembered the code to our storage unit.
I'm ignoring her text for now. It feels rude and I wouldn't want her to not answer me.. but texting me is the easiest solution. The unit is by work and she could just walk in and get it from the manager.
I also kinda want to know what she is getting out of it. She does have school stuff but at the same time... I wouldn't want her using OUR camping gear with whomever she is dating.
I think this is an example of DBing going against my nature.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Your both right. I didn't even get home until 1:30a due to work and poker night with my friends.
She ended up texting me later saying she got it taken care of. I knew she would figure out a way.
It was a little upsetting to have her text me about the storage unit which was so impersonal when she emailed me such a impersonal birthday wish.... but I didn't stick on it too long.
Thank you both! This 180 of stopping to jump when she calls or tough love or whatever you want to call it is extremely difficult for me. It feels wrong inside on alot of levels so I greatly appreciate the support!
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
It's extremely hard but think of it this way...your W left because she needs to feel independant and understand she can live without you, but in the long run...she still needed you for a storage unit code that she can very well get herself, which in turn means you're still on her mind.
@ OZ. That is definitely a different way of looking at it. I don't doubt that she thinks of me.. I only doubt her ability to take any actions towards me. I just have to continually remind myself that the 2nd part is in God's hands now. I can only control me and most days that is handful.. lol.
@ Shock. Thank you. Most days it does feel over though. We've been apart for a very long time w/ almost no contact. It some ways.. I feel like I have adjusted so much to my new life.. the past has gotten fuzzy. There is so much joy, happiness, and positive growth in my life. When I think about an r with w, I keep thinking "but I don't want to go back.. I don't want to give those things up again!"
I did spend most of the morning crying. I just felt like an a$$hole. I question my actions and on if it was truly portraying the Val I want to be. My friends were proud of me.. They aren't necessarily fond of the way w treats me.. so their opinion was biased.. as if I did it to get back at her.
But I know myself and as hard as it was.. I was portraying the Val I want to be.. or at least I think so. I do think it was loving from a distance.
Sorry I'm having a really hard time getting my thoughts to formulate into complete sentences at the moment.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Don't apologize for your feelings-ever. We all have our highs and lows, which is why it's an emotional rollercoaster.
Going against what feels natural is so hard to do at first, especially when the last thing you want to do is make them think that we don't care. However, I found that I had to detach from my H for my own mental health. My instinct is to call/text/stalk 24-7 but I know it will only hurt me, and not help. Eventually....the new habit becomes a way of life.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Yes to what DG said here: "Going against what feels natural is so hard to do at first, especially when the last thing you want to do is make them think that we don't care."
I remember, Val, you posted your thoughts on this several times. I struggle with this daily. I want W to know I still love her and want R. BUT I know for her to want to be with me, I have to show her I will be ok without her. My mind reels. Val, you have done such a great job with the situation you are in. You express your emotions in a way I can only aspire to. I, for one, have great respect for your strength. (((((((())))))))
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
Sent w an email about meeting for another mediation session. Email exchange. V: the 22nd does not work. I can do the 1st or 3rd. Please let me know once either of them are confirmed.
W: the 1st works. What time? 5:15 again?
V: That works fine for me however if you want to check and see if that time/ date works for mediator, that would be great.
No response yet.
That was the best I could do at setting this boundary without feeling like an ahole... Although maybe I was being a bit weak too.
Who knows???
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
