Learning from the pain....hard lessons

[workinghardguy]

The OW is a symptom, but he!!, what if they do fall in 'love"?

So this will sound hard-hearted and I guess it sort of is, but not meant to be... if they fall in love then they fall in love, right? Then YOU have to decide how YOU want to live your life. Do you want to wait and see if works out? Wait and see if their love dims eventually and then see if you can rebuild from the ashes? That's not meant to sound either a) as depressing as it looks or b) as akin to a bad romantic comedy as it sounds

But really you have options and would have to decide. If you think she falls in love and goes off to make a new life with the OW, then it's up to you to start anew or wait.

My W swears she does not want to get married or in another relationship for a long time if we split up. Great, ok. Sunday when we were talking she said she wants me in her life and the kids' lives if we split. Coming over for dinner, holidays, coming at night to tuck the kids in and sing them songs if I want. Every day if I want. I said we can cross that bridge when we get there, but won't it be awkward to have me walking into a house with some guy there? My W retorted "I said I'm not looking for another R" and my response was "our lives don't always go as planned."

My point is that at some time, if the R isn't re-established, we all will probably have to cross this bridge. If she walks over the bridge and continues down the path then you can choose to wait at the water's edge for her return or cross the bridge and find your own path.

You did it once or many times before. You can do it again. And on the upside, this time you get to do it with a new and improved you who is armed with all this great R knowledge. They have to go off and their path is likely littered with the same traps and pitfalls your spouse has been running through for years.