Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[ClingingToHope]

XW just called. She met with a new therapist for D9 and wants to try him. He's cheaper. He uses clay therapy. He has some different ideas. He wants to test D9 for Asbergers. He agrees with me that we should look at holding her back because of her social issues.

So XW is excited. She wants us to meet with him together. I know this is all good. D9 needs a new approach.

And now I'm all conflicted.

If D9 gets better that's good for everyone involved. Honestly, the difficulties over D9 was a MAJOR part of the breakdown of the marriage.

We talked about bills briefly and she said "we're both in a world of hurt right now." She also mentioned someone came and looked at the house, but she doesn't know if they are interested.

And my brain just went flying in all kinds of directions.

* The 1 percent that just won't let go thought if we just work together and get D9 turned around then maybe .... I still haven't let that go. I think until someone else is in my life that'll be there.

* The "we're both in a world of hurt" statement just made me angry. We're in a world of hurt because she chose divorce over working hard to fix the marriage.

* Someone came to look at the house. I think she got the feeling that I'm getting over this by talking about bills and ventured into the house talk. That's a really hard subject to talk about.

I hate these phone calls. They just knock me for a loop. We have interactions like this and ... I don't see why we can't work it out.

I keep going back and forth.

This morning I was walking to the courthouse to get some stuff for my job. I have to go by the place of work for XW's best friend. And I thought, I shouldn't really care what XW or XW's friends think of me. Everyone in the world isn't going to like me.

But then another soundtrack in my head keeps playing, "keep doing what you are doing. Keep trying to improve. Keep learning how to communicate better. Keep trying to fix your finances. The rest of your life is a long time. Relationships have been reborn in others. Why not here?"

All this from one phone call.