be warm and receptive and open to what he says. It's not your job to do the talking but to listen and gather data.
Don't judge it, and if he asks you something you are afraid to answer, tell him you need time to think it over.
No rush to decide anything. Hear what he says and do not "react" to it or read into it negatively. If you are not sure you heard him or understood him then recap for him what you think you just heard.
He'll know you are really listening and you'll have more time to think about it.
If he revises things in the m, which he WILL DO, you have 3 possible reactions that do not escalate and still validate and yet not be a doormat.
If he says something that's a bold faced lie or falsehood,
(once I thought my h was lying but my kids reminded me that something had in fact happened so I'm glad I just listened and didn't blow it by calling him a liar. We can forget things too.)
you can say "Wow, I sure don't recall it that way but I'm sorry you were hurt."
If he says something that reflects a flaw in you that you concede is true or partly valid (even if he shares in the problem but isn't admitting it)
you can say "Yes h, if I had it to do over again, I'd do lots of things differently."
that shows you can change--this is KEY--he must believe you can change and that marriage to you could and would be different and better than before...
Rarely, a spouse may truly throw you a curveball AND want a reply. So if he says something that completely flummoxes you and seems to want an answer
you can say "I'm sure there's a great reply to that statement. But it escapes me at the moment."
All these answers are validating, none escalate and all show a different you.
Good luck
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
