New and confused!! Need your thoughts...

[FreeBird0120]

Hello everyone:
I'm new to this, so hopefully I use all the correct abbreviations and terminology. And hopefully I can keep this extremely brief:

I have been with my H for 14 years, and the majority of those years have been wonderful. In the last 3 years it has progressively gotten worse. We started pulling away from each other for many different reasons. I think it really started once we had our D who is now 11. Our focus started to change.

We both contributed to where we ended up 3 months ago. Anyways, in the beginning of August, he told me those dreaded words: ILYBINILWY. I was devastated. I asked if there was someone else, and he said no, but I had a feeling that this mutual friend of ours from his workplace might have something to do with it. She is unhappily married and I'd noticed that he'd been talking about her a lot lately. He said that he wasn't dating anyone, but in the future if he had to pick someone it would be her. He claimed and still claims that they are just really good friends, and that she was his ear when mine wasn't available. Yes, he had an EA with her.

In the last 3 months he has come to me twice asking that I not give up on him, that we wants me and his family, and to give him the benefit of the doubt and twice he has supposedly told her they couldn't talk anymore so he could work on his family, but each time she would be the reason in one way or another for him stating that he couldn't do it anymore.

He suffers from childhood traumatic experiences and is severely depressed. He has recently gone on medication for his depression, but claims that he is on a self destructive path and will eventually pull the bottom out of everything good in his life. He says that I deserve so much more than he can give me, and just wants my happiness.

We are living in the same house until I can financially afford to get my own place, so that will be at least until January 2012. We have agreed to be friends for our D11, and although it's been very awkward, we are both really trying to be civil and cordial. He has moved all of his belongings out of our room so that I have my own space to escape to. He currently sleeps on the couch.

I have been able to forgive him for everything so that I can move forward in a healthy manner. I'm not the kind of person who holds grudges, or wants to hold on to the anger and resentment. I'm not made that way I guess. And because I love him so very much, it's hard to keep those feelings in my heart towards him.

In the last 2 days, he's shown a bit of a different side to himself. The day before yesterday he was extremely down and sad. I could tell he'd been crying a lot, and our D could even tell. He text me quite a bit that evening even though we were in the same house, and said that he wouldn't bother me with his feelings or problems, that they were his cross to bear, but that he wished me nothing but happiness, and that he would never turn his back to me and would always worry and care about me.

Last night we went to his ex wife's house for dinner (she became my best friend years ago and their son has had the best of both worlds because of the relationship we have established for him and for each other.) At first he wanted to discuss legalities as far as living sitch, etc. when we were alone, but as the night progressed, he started bringing up old memories of us when things were really great between us. Like the first time we went on a trip together and the song we listened to over and over. The time we played on a softball team together and how much fun we had. And the time he came to my apt. and told me he was in love with me. He remembered exactly what I was wearing and what I said to him. When we left and came home, he hugged me goodnight and held me for a little bit. He tucked me in and made sure I was comfortable and okay, and then gave me another hug in which he held me for a while again.

He has texted me all morning this morning joking around with me and it feels really good, but I don't know what to think about it. Is he just glad we're able to get along together, or is he missing me?? I'm so confused and scared to get my hopes up. I've come so far in my healing that if he were to throw me away again, I don't know that I could withstand that pain.

What should I do guys?? I love and want him back so bad, but am scared he'll hurt me again...Please help me...