I'm getting tired of the dance, or as JB put it, marathon.
I'm dancing on the edge of a precipice, holding on to some hope while being too afraid to let go completely. I feel like if I completely let go of all hope or feelings, then there will be no possibility of reconciliation. On the other hand, if I hold onto hope to hard, I will destroy any chance I had. It's exhausting.
I love her, but I can't love her because she has such a skewed notion of who I am (manifested since bomb). I want to move on with my life and stop worrying about wether we're going to reconcile, but I don't want to bring up divorce "just in case" she's quietly reconsidering. We have moments of true fun and connection, but I feel empty just moments later because I want to hug her but can't. Then, I want to pull away because I don't want to feel the disappointment anymore. It's a crazy, exhausting cycle with no end in sight.
Could really use some words of encouragement or insight.
