When life hands you lemons add alcohol and stir!

[mishka422]

Yeah, BA I think you just hit the nail on the head. In my subconcious I feel like I'm second choice. I was the fall back plan when the OW kicked him to the curb. I chose this for myself because I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life and now I've resiged myself to feeling I won't be able to measure up to her in his mind.

It's a horrible feeling and I do my best to shove it down deep but it bubbles up every now and then. The last few days have been horrible for me but probably because I don't feel well. I don't tell him when I don't feel well because, in my mind only, I have a feeling that my being sick with various ailments throughout our M is one of the reasons he left too. I battled migrains for years and finally have a pretty good handle on them now but when I get the slightest headache he reacts to it with a roll of the eyes and I see supressed anger in his eyes. I don't tell him ANYTHING about any ailment I might have anymore.

Even as I type all of this, I know it's twisted thinking but I know him too well based on a pattern of behavior he has exhibited over 20+ years of knowing him.

Sorry, bad day. It is what it is.