I know what I should do/say, but it's not something I can always manage to do.
I stay distant, she come close, we start to "connect", then I push, and it all falls apart again!1 I know I do it, but its just so hard to remain detached at times
I have looked at me, and I'm totally aware of the hurt I caused her. I told her the reason we split was neglect on my part, she agreed. She has told me she likes attention and I just didn't give it, in fact I gave the exact opposite, maybe this is why I push try too hard now??
I am a controlling person, its what makes me good at my job, but caused my marriage to fail as well. This is something I'm trying to change, I try not to ask her questions about anything, as it can look controlling, I try to maintain distance so I'm not looking pushy, but again it's hard at times.
My 12 steps is slow, I know that. I don't have a sponsor, its not been offered, but I haven't asked either?
All I know is that I will never drink again, I truely know this, because I know the pain and hurt it caused, and I have made a promise to my children never to drink again.
From conversations we have had, I know she is hurting and is scared, and I do pursue too much, trying to "fix" the pain, and I know it is causing more pain!!!!! I just get drawn into it at times, I know that sounds pathetic, but it just happens.
You have nailed it with the comments that she blames me for pushing her to OM, she has told me that. And she also knows that I would not have stopped drinking until she left, and even then it took me a further 10months for me to realise and stop, so you are totally correct that it's all far too early for her to believe any changes, and she is right.
Acceptance is what I really need to work on now. I need to accept that my "old" marriage is over, and i have, and I'm glad it is.
I have to accept that I'm an alcoholic, who has no control over the substance, and my actions through it.
I have to accept that my "wife" no longer wants me in her life, she will do what she wants, with who she wants, and I have no right to say otherwise.
I have to accept that I'm not the victim here, my wife and children are, I need to understand that the respect they had for me has been damaged by the lack of respect I had for them while drinking.
I have to accept that I will be ok, I'm not a bad person, I just got lost in drink, I understand that, and I will not go back to that place again.
I need to now continue looking at me.
She asks me how I am, how things are going etc, an I always say fine.
I also totally agree that this is a major time for me
I don't want to rush back together, that would be so wrong at the moment, it's something I feel we are both not ready for.
But then, what do I want??
I want my wife and family back, but when and how?? Not sure to be honest?
I feel giving her the house is a big thing to her, I am basically handing over control to her This is something I would not have done 12 months ago?
I just really need to accept my current situation, have no expectations on anyone. I need to do things for me, what is right for me But sometimes that can look like I'm being selfish and not thinking about others?
When I got my apartment, I'm about 5miles away from "home"
I did it for space for me, but that got turned around that I was too far away from the children, 10minutes car ride???
So I'm now looking to move back closer to "home", yes I will enjoy being closer to the kids, and I'll see them more
But it seems strange that this is something she has really wanted also?
Again 25, I really needed your post.
It's made me think about things again clearly. I think I was getting carried away with the communication we had, and yes, I probably pushed her too much
