alcoholic H decided he wants D

[imthemom]

Day 6 of "no contact", well as much as possible with kids anyway...but def no talk of R or anything like that. Still no mention in about 10 days of filing papers or moving forward with that. We have been focused on dealing with our S14 and how he is handling this whole thing, which of course is not well.
H is starting to have some guilt about how S14 is doing which is a first, but told me last night he is starting late hours again and will be for awhile so that means no time to spend with S14 until the job is done, that could be weeks to months. the last time he went 7 weeks without seeing him and S14 still makes comments about that. When H told me this I tried really hard not to be confrontationel but told him he needed to make sure he tried to take him to dinner or something during this time, he cant just go that long without spending some sort of time with him so we will see how that goes.
I feel like Ive made some changes there, usually i would flip out and nag about how work always comes first and how could he choose that over his family...ive realized its not my place to force a relationship there, that is his thing and he will suffer the consecuenses if he does not make it a priority. all I can do is work on my relationship with S14 and be there for him. and reasure him that H (dad) loves him.
Have been trying to take care of me...the no sleep and not being able to eat much is getting to me. I seem to have a new alarm clock that wakes me up at 3am, and once im awake theres no point in staying in bed so the up side is Im getting alot of house work done in the mornings before work.:)
man, the ups and downs in DBing....one day it feels hopeless, the next there is a glimmer..I never know how to cope with it. should I be hopefull? and then get knocked down again, or just take things for what they are in the minute and not expect anything????? its so easy to just grab on to the hope but the disapointment when I realize that nothing is changing is hard to take..
forgiveness is the word of the week....forgiving myself and my H for the past, that is a hard one but I feel better about it so I think I must have finally gotten there, for now anyway...