why can't you pick up the phone and ask him about the visitation? Why is HE the idiot for having no contact?
Do NOT ask him "why" he "hasn't called" and do NOT ask "how can he shut them out" etc
b;c you are literally doing the same thing. You chose to go dark (i get why) and then so did he.
Then you assumed several different negative reasons HE MUST have for that
and none of those applied to you. You even believed he must have OW b/c he had not called but you had NOT called him either.
Am I missing something? Maybe I misread it...but He's alone now, right?
You don't think he's lonely or sad? Isn't it possible that talking to you is hard on him
the same way You having contact with him was hard on you?
I mean it surely seems possible, doesn't it?
And you say he has problem with depression. I bet he doesn't feel like he's a fun guy to talk to
and he may be withdrawing, as hurt depressed people often do.
Try harder not to mindread OR attribute only negative motives to his actions.
Try to give him the benefit of the doubt, at least when it doesn't cost you anything and you risk nothing.
And pick up the phone yourself if you have a real question to ask him.
My db coach told me that questions that begin with "WHY??" or "HOW CAN YOU"....are
designed to make the recipient feel defensive. They often trigger fights.
So try not to ask those. Just tell him what you need from him, and see if he can handle that.
make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
