If I could have anything I wanted, what was it? I started with "I want what we had back." Then I backtracked... no I don't. I want a healthy R. That showers our kids in love, that creates a stable environment for them, that helps my W and myself be better people each day. That gives us room to grow. That's what I want.
And then he pushed on if that can happen, even if my W thaws and comes around and wants to save our R. And I realized, no, it can't. Not the way things are now. Not with how I am and not with how she is. So at some point she will have to grow to have an R with me.
Yes, exactly. I want the good parts we had back, but ultimately I want to build a whole new M.
I can only hope my W will have the desire to make some positive changes. When we went to MC from 2008-2010, I felt I was the one doing all the homework, reading all the R/M books, and making all the changes. At times, I sensed it was more like a trip to the principal's office for my W. In spite of that, I did feel we were in a better place than we had ever been in our M. I attributed her response to the MC as being just part of her personality. She really doesn't read too many books, and the homework's not her thing.
I DO NOT want to return the same situation we were in. If we did, we'd be right back where we are now, but it would be worse.
