May, everything everyone here said ... AND ... (and I hope I don't get slammed for this as I often do by recommending this book) I might just suggest Pia Mellody's Facing Love Addiction. Don't be put off by the title - it's really good. And it helped me get a handle on my exBF's love avoidance and my own love addiction. I don't think you're either, necessarily. But they tend to go hand-in-hand; however, your H sounds a little like an avoider - and I think the book can help you gain some insight - into him - for your benefit. I'm in IC now with someone who gets this and has helped me unravel so much of what happened in the past three years, with that love-avoidant theme running throughout our R - it helped me take stuff with exBF much less personally and realize how unsafe he feels and how fear motivates him a lot - how he's kept me at arm's length, and also when I got out of reach, he freaked out, though when I got too close, he freaked out. If any of that sounds familiar, you might want to look at it - not as an end all be all - and even just to review that one section to see if it's at all helpful. Another thing my IC said in regard to custody and our R is "exBF doesn't seem to know what he wants," and just hearing that made me go OH! B/c I think it's true - I got so caught up in everything he said - one day it was this, the next that, that realizing he really often doesn't know and is in a bit of a fog, helped me back off enough to not rely on his every word. He just might not know!
