Journaling.... a little early in the day, but it was an eventful morning.
I had to pick up a few things from Hs house, so I called after dropping off D to see if he minded if I came by. He said ok, and I figured it would be a quick in-and-out kind of thing.
So I'm going through my stuff, trying to be quiet because he was still in bed- I turn around and he's looking at me, and I commented on how cold it was in the house. He throws back the covers and invites me to join him. I'm pretty sure I didn't do the DB thing, but I couldn't resist.
Anyway, I'll make a long story short and say it was a great morning. He did start a little R talk (actually tearing up, saying 'why did things have to get so f'd up?') which I just validated and changed the subject. I had my PMA game face on, and he was very affectionate although he did say he was 'hesitant'. When I left things were pleasant.
I swear I had 25's voice in my head saying...shut up! shut up! shut up! And I did.
He ended up calling a bit later to talk to D- his tone was sort of indifferent (same tone he always takes when he is with someone else and talking to me- am I the only one that notices this?). My anxiety crept up after the phone call, but I think I'm ok.
Anyway, I don't want to read too much into this, but I can't lie- it was nice. I am reminding myself over and over this is part of the roller coaster, but I'm trying to stick to my guns a little better if this, in fact, an upswing.
