Newcomer and scared...

[FreeBird0120]

Hello,
I'm really glad I found DB. Just ordered the book and can't wait to read it and get started. I will try to be brief as my sitch is a little more than 3 months long...here we go:

My H and I have been together 14 years, have a SS16 and a D11. Our marriage for the most part has been really good minus a couple of serious talks here and their of what we felt we were lacking every now and then. In 2003, we split up for a week, because we weren't communicating and our financial issues were not good. We realized after a week though that we couldn't be apart. About 2 years ago I felt like I'd been put on the back burner again. I wasn't getting the love or affection I needed and even telling him what I needed didn't help. We both ended up pulling away from eachother, I went out with friends more often, and he threw himself into his racing projects. 3 months ago was Dday...he told me that he loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore. He also told me of a mutual friend from his office that he gained feelings for. This devastated me. He claimed and still claims that they are just friends and that nothing physical has happened between them, but she holds way to much power over him. Thru out this last 3 months, we have attempted reconciliation twice, both because he came to me and begged that I didn't give up and that he couldn't live without me. Both times he stated that he told the OW that they couldn't be "friends" any longer that he needed to work on his family. And every time we attempted reconciliation, something having to do with her would end it. The last time we were doing really good for 3 weeks. I started to trust him again, and for some reason I woke up one day just knowing that he was talking to her again. He confirmed my suspicions stating that he just called her to see how she was doing, and the conversations continued from there, but that he still had every intention of working on us. I finally just told him it was either me or her and that upset him. We have ended it and are still living in the same house at least for the next 3 months until I can financially get out of the house.
Yesterday I spoke with a close family friend who is very spiritually devout to God, and she helped me put things into perspective. I realized after talking with her that I needed to let go and let God...to forgive everything so that I could take the next appropriate steps for my recovery. I want nothing more then to make it work with my H and that is my goal, but I know he's not on the same page. He is dealing with severe depression issues and things that stem from his childhood. I feel that my purpose here on earth is to help people. I want to be there for him, but he won't let me. I came home last night to find him very sad and barely coping. It scared our daughter so much that she started crying. He talked with her for a little bit and started texting me say he wants nothing but my happiness, and will never stop worrying or caring. He is so broken...what do I do from here...HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT MY NEXT MOVE SHOULD BE...I'm so scared for him...

[FreeBird0120]

Update...he recently took me down memory lane the other night going over all of the fun times we had together...like the first time he laid in bed next to me and the first time he told me he loved me...hugged me a couple of times and then text me all the next morning and afternoon, but then I found out he has been texting her too...and way more than me...

Ugh it makes me sick, but is it really possible to stop this EA they are having and could he really fall in love with me again??

The emotional pain has turned physical and I hurt so bad.

Loosing hope...please help me...