Trying to make it to the bye week

[MadeToSucceed]

Then Monday came. I still hadn't paid the mediator. Still hadn't sent any of my documentation (bank statements, records of my W's flights to and from seeing OM, etc.) so I knew I had to get that done. My W called me early Monday morning and asked if I was busy. We talked and it was a really good talk. She was talking about the things she wanted out of life and how she is trying to grow but she still just has so much anger and resentment towards me. Then she started talking about God and how she's really been into the Word more lately. That struck a nerve with me.

I finally just had to ask her how could she say she's seeking what she's seeking and trying to live by the Word and she's sleeping with another man. She then began down her age old "no one knows what I'm doing" routine. I then got more specific and it instantly became about how I know what I know. "You listen to other people too much." Blah blah blah. It was apparent she was caught and with our mediation coming she used it as an opportunity to try to blast me again. The new prevailing theory is that I've strung this all out to gather dirt on her so that I could get more money. That's laughable to me. I told her just like I've typed here...up until about 4pm yesterday I hadn't sent my L a thing and hadn't even paid the mediator. My W took to her social media to blast me subliminally. She claims I've been lying to her this entire time and that all I've really been trying to do is get her to incriminate herself so I can get paid. She even went as far to say "money doesn't last...relationships do." Dumb founded. I said to her repeatedly that she just DOESN'T GET IT. Her issue is ALWAYS about how I know what I know and not the fact that I shouldn't have to know to begin with.

She then projected onto me more. She told me how I pushed her to this point and for a bit I began to believe it. I owned my hand in things and told her I'd continue to pray for her but that I accept her desires. It was tough but to have her say she feels like I've lied to her for not telling her where I get information is...insane. It all shows me how lost she is in all of this. How she doesn't understand that despite me knowing intimate details of the worst pain a H can feel at the hands of his W, I'm STILL here. Willing and able to fight for my M.