NEED ADVICE

[greenblue90]

Gunny
For better or worse your W is following the typical WAW script. Like many the pressure is starting to mount now and she is starting get second thoughts. She's known this all along this is why she went through such a long methodical process of getting ready to move, so that when the time comes, she won't second guess herself because everything is already in motion.

Now I only say this to get you ready, but once she gets there, expect her attitude to change. You already saw this once already. OM will make all her doubts go away, and she'll pick up her tempo, maybe even become hostile. The next few months will be all about justifying her decision. She'll go out with the girls, OM, and anybody that will give her the time of day.

She'll eat up all the attention and tell herself that she finally found happiness. The next few months, you will be nothing to her, at least she will try her hardest to tell the world and herself that.

Then after all the welcome back parties are done, after her friends are too busy with their own lives to take her out, after she starts running out of savings, and doesn't get a job or a job to give her the lifestyle she wants, after OM starts leaving the toilet seat up, or worse becomes a jerk, then she will ask herself am I any happier?

Then you MAY have a chance.

Gunny I know this is hard but you have to drop her from your mind like a bad ex you just met. Not just as a DB strategy but for your own sanity. Ask yourself what would life be like after a divorce with no chance of reconciliation and start living that way. This includes putting yourself in new and better social situations.

She needs to see you move on, because right now you are her fallback plan. Is that what you want to be 2nd place to OM? Sounds to me like you are a first round pick Gunny, who is this guy? Some dude that never left his hometown, who is very likely in his late 40's early 50's and is so worthless that he is going after a married woman. Sounds to me if he was so great some lucky lady would have him right now.

Please keep journaling your sitch so we can help, but I'd like to hear more about the Gunny who is going out more, getting more involved, finally taking up that hobby he always wanted, and who just had that cute woman smile at him at the club/church/beach/bar/party.

The moment you are no longer depenedent she will notice by how you talk, what you say, and how you look. She'll see you slipping away and ask herself, if I lose him forever will I regret it?

She knows that if things don't work out you'll take her back. Would she make the same calls if she knows you are slipping from her?

[gunny]

Hey Rick,
Back here at work this morning, have to go over to Rutgers Today for a Veterans Career Day, which is a good thing because it will get me out doing something to occupy my mind.

I read a few of these success stories, I usualy print out sitch's on the board that are similar to mine/yours just to see how they pan out. It is good to watch the transformation of the LBS over the months, almost always it seems to be in a positive direction, I'm sure this will occur in our case also. Trying to take each day as it comes, just purchased the 'power of Now" looking forward to the read. Thanks for the support, Lets keep leaning forward, talk soon,
Gunny

[gunny]

Gb,
As always, thank you for your time and support, your words are right on. Having read a few other long posts/stories by others in my sitch, there seems to be a definate script written for this sitch. Granted, each one is unique, but they do all seem to follow a general pattern.
How are things in your world? Have read some of your sitch, but am not quite up to snuff on where you are at.

Thanks again for your words of support, I really appreciate it!
Gunny

[JustStunned]

Gunny, the only times I perceived cracks in STBX’s resolve was when I successfully implemented what GB90 suggests. Here are a couple of things from my experience.

Just as we were able to distinguish between a CS and a Smoke during a simulated gas attack the WAS will be able to determine between really moving on and a strategy. Also do you remember how it eventually became just another CS grenade or just another trip through the gas chamber?

If it is real she will not need you to “show it to her” as she’ll perceive it in time. What she does, how she acts then is totally her responsibility b/c you are not using a strategy.

Another aspect of moving forward toward moving on is I no longer have a great deal of concern over reconciling. Early on it consumed me; now it is up to her indicate she if wishes to and up to me to decide if I am receptive.

Knowing you will be fine, that your life will be what you make it that you are in control of your actions leading to your destiny reduces the anxiety permitting you to deal with this situation analytically. The roller coaster ride is no longer as thrilling.

Gunny………. Once, Always!

Semper Fidelis

[gunny]

Stunned, hey thanks for the shoutout. As always, I appreciate your good words. Just got back from a conference for vets, quite a few Marines among them, motivating!!

How are things in your neck of the woods? Any movement on your sitch?
I am continueing to lean forward, thanks again for your words of support,
Semper Fidelis Marine!!

[Rick1963]

Gunny is this the week? How are you doing today? Just checking in.

[gunny]

Hey Rick,
She is leaving friday morning at the crack of dawn. I will be elsewhere, of course, I am dreading the day.

[gunny]

Hello all,
S and I own a cabin up in Pennsy, located way up in the mountains, have owned it since 2002. When we first bought, the area was quiet, off the beaten path, in a part of the state known for its pristine beauty and sparse population.

Beginning in 2006, the area started to change rapidly. It it now like a wild west gold mining town, shale gas exploration and drilling is all the rage, and our property has really gone up in value.
As part of our splitting of assets, sp and I had originally talked about selling the place and splitting proceeds evenly. However, a realtor in the area tells us that because there is such a severe housing shortage for gas field workers, we could rent the place out for a decent sum. The place is long since paid off, so any income would be gravy.

Surprisingly, sp is very open to holding on to the place and possibly renting it out for income. This is surprising to me, it appears she is not trying to completely sever all relationships with me.

Just wondering, have any of you had the sitch where you s/d but still stayed involved in financial arrangement with sp? Any and all thoughts, ideas would be appreciated, thanks all
Gunny

[workinghardguy]

Hey Gunny... wish I could tell you how that would work out. I know my W and I discussed similar arrangements just the other night. I outlined how our house is financed (which she knew going in but wanted to remind her).

She either will have to a) do nothing and when interest rates eventually go up face foreclosure, b) sell the house (not really a viable option right now), or c) re-fi the house while we're married. This puts my name on the mortgage (she bought the house and re-fi'd before we married).

Talk about no good options. I can't say I'm excited about staying in a financial arrangement with my W if it comes to us splitting. She had no problems hurting me this badly... why would she think twice about financially harming me? At least that's what the dark side of me thinks. I'm only considering the options because I don't want the kids uprooted if it comes to that.

If it can cashflow like the realtors think I'd suggest one party buy out the other and keep it clean. Or if you don't want her to get undue enrichment you could always sell and as part of the deal claim some part of the income for "x" period of time.

[gunny]

hello workinhard,
I have been reading your sitch for a while, sorry you are here. Thanks for the input, as I say, I havent had a lot of time to digest this new development, have spoken to a couple of people whose opinions I value, and they both said, maybe try the joint ownership/rental idea for one year, to see how it goes.

I have options, thats a good thing. How are things with your sitch?
Gunny