alcoholic H decided he wants D

[imthemom]

journaling........
I was in a pretty bad place again last night. H took S14 to his therapy appt. and decided to tell S14 and C that he was final in his decision. of course S14 was upset when he got home and I was left to deal with that alone.
Im feeling like for him to do that he must be pretty set on going ahead with this. H has not mentioned papers in a week, but before then was really putting the preasuer on for me to come to an agreement with him so I had thought that maybe he was thinking about things...wrong again.
This whole "going dark" thing is kind of tricky, with no contact I was feeling better and letting myself think that surely he was thinking things through like I was and maybe this is an improvement. then he started texting me yesterday and came to pick up S without even comeing to the door and I realized that nothing had changed at all.
Its hard not to be angry when I feel like I put up with alot of crap while he was drinking and was always able to forgive him because I wanted our marriage to work, and gave him many chances to make things right, but once he decides its over, there is not discussion or chance to make it right, just DONE!! I am hurting so badly and almost just want him to file and get it over with so I can quit with the back and forth thing and thinking that maybe there is a chance for us to be a family again. that is obviousley not what he wants... and that is painfull to except.
It would have been nice if he had warned me that he had planned on doing that at the appt last night, maybe I could have prepared our S or at the very least made sure I was there for support. If nothing else we def need to work on Co parenting...