As for the dog, I would say my X was one, but that would be an insult to dogs everywhere, and I like dogs. The four legged kind. I'm off the 2 legged kind permenently. Have I forgiven him? I don't think I'm that big a person yet. I strive to be. As for forgiving OW, I MAY NEVER be that big a person. Which only bothers me more as I know the person I should be maddest at is the X himself. I'm rambling. Leave it to say that this is a difficult time of year for me. October was always full of fun and activity around our house.
I really believe I am doing well, if the D#mn dreams would just stop. No dreams last night. Thank you,Ambien.
I think it takes a while to get over that feeling of being cheated out of what we thought our lives were going to be like.
I know I still struggle with that from time to time.
You're doing great at moving forward, and just like we didn't know this was coming, we don't know what's around the bend and that can be rather exciting!
Thank you for continuing to post. Your wisdom and humor is very valuable to us all.
It is hard to let go of the "what if's" and the "what it could have been", but you have to or you just rot from the inside out.
You have to get to the point where you realize that you are deserving of a better life, love, and journey.
We are all responsible for our own journey.
I just recently celebrated getting off all the antidepressants, xanex, sleep aids, etc.... that helped me through this journey. It has been 5 years. I will never go back to that.
I have to feel every emotion now, and I do. There is no longer numbness and I relish it. The pain is there, but it is pain that I have learned to cope with and live with. Pain that is processed and has made me strong, alive and whole again.
That is not the Mid-lifer's case......... despite what you see they are miserable, despite what they say, they are miserable, despite what they do, they are miserable.
There is some satisfaction in that, but a lot of empathy, because as standers, we know pain.
There gets a point where you can actually acknowledge that you are on the other side of it all. You made it.... The pain did not kill you, you did not kill yourself, and there is now nothing you cannot deal with. It is a wonderful part of the process.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
XH asked through Realtor (his aunt) if I would consider lowering the price AGAIN. Now, to $30,000 under appraisal. I responded through her that whatever. I also had her tell him I had found some of the things he had asked about of his Mom's, and some things he didn't even remember, and had them packed up neatly in a box for him. She says the only way to describe his attitude is 'hostile'.
Again, I find myself wasting time and brain cells pondering WTH he has to be hostile about. By the way, he admitted to his aunt that "the two big house pymts. were killing him" Admittedly, that kept me awake last night.
I've been trying to catch up on posts; put in a word where I felt I could. So many of us who joined at approximately the same time are now in Post Divorce Traumatic Shock of some sort or another.
I would be lying if I said everything was rosy and I was never sad, but I think that is part of life and, let's face it, healing and growing. At my worst, I ask "When will this be over?" At my best, I realize I am so much better and further than I was a year ago this time.
Halloween is Monday, and my old friends here know what a big holiday that is to me and mine. D25 having party at her house this year on Sunday night, so as I do not be perceived as being in a "pissing match" with X over grands. I have special treat bags for my grands for Halloween night, and have mailed them to grands who live away.
I said a small "YES!" when I read the part about the house payments, lol.
I know what you mean about the whole "when will this be over". I think I never truly had a difficult thing happen in my life before "this" because I don't believe that I ever asked myself that question about anything. But I guess the thing to focus on is that it WILL be over someday...and it might crop up from time to time, the sadness or pain, but it will be so fleeting. It is really over, in a way. By far the worst is very much over. What we're dealing with now is fallout. Kind of like when your yard gets destroyed in a bad storm and just when you think you have it all cleaned up, you find some other messy area ;-) Your PTSD thing is a very good analogy too. I'm glad you're enjoying your new home, though, and glad to hear you're taking control of your Halloween plans!
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Punkin I was wondering where you had got to. I see you are so distressed about your xh's financial situation! What goes around usually comes around. Of course it is 'all your fault' but you know that by now.
Like the Post Divorce Trauma idea: a good one to hang on to.
It will be over: we get better, and sometimes they do too, but don't hold your breath on that one.
I think it's possible that some of the MLCer's anger is over the realization in some part of their addled brain that they have made a big mistake. That and the fact that getting rid of us wasn't as smooth and easy as they had imagined. Add that to the fact that in doing so didn't make them as happy as they thought it would. Obviously, it's all the LBS's fault because taking ownership of their choices and actions isn't in their realm of possibility right now. Running away, avoidance, blaming is all they can seem to manage.
You are leaps and bounds ahead of last year and it only gets better for us. Unfortunately, for the MLCer, it seems to go the other way for a long time.
Punkin, survivor and thriver explains you wonderfully.
Turning to my old friends for a word of encouragement.
I'm feeling pretty down tonight. My daughter went to a great deal of trouble having a Halloween party for all the cousins. My steps and their kids did a no show. Now, that didn't really upset me, as I expected XH to have his party at the same time, and to my knowledge, did. What does hurt my feelings is that I never asked anything of them other than to bring the kids by on Halloween, as I had a special gift bag made up for them. They were a no show for me, as well. I don't mean to whine, but I've tried very hard to continue to be a part of my step grands lives, and it seems that I'm not being met half way here.
I know this sounds childish, but if is as if they don't care. Their Dad is not married to me anymore, so what. I still remember their birthdays, both theirs and their children. I always try to include them as as much a part of my life as my own blood children and grands. It is as if I am beating my head against a brick wall.
I suppose I should take the high road, suck it up and just continue my overtures at every opportunity, but it just really bothers me that they couldn't even make the effort to come by my home and let the kids trick-or-treat me. One stepson lives an entire mile away from my house.
Punkin - I do not believe you are over-reacting. I truly believe those "in the middle" of this mess try their best to "do the right thing" and can never and will never do the right thing for one side.
I think that as hard as it is - you do these things for them because YOU want to show them how important they are to you. No expectations - just because they are so special to you.
Keep showing them - your consistency will mean much to them in the long run and YOU will feel good that you offered reminders to them of how important they are to you.
Just my 2 cents...
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
