E - I'm going to agree with paige. I am so glad you are heading in the right direction. This gives me hope as well. Don't think for one minute I want to go through the Hades you had to go through to get on this road, though! I don't envy you one bit for that!
I know it's been awhile since I last posted so I thought I'd check in after our amazing Retrovaille weekend! I can't say enough about this program. If you can get your spouse to attend then please go! I will share more about our experience later as I think it's probably time to start a new thread but first an UPDATE...
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
as you probably know, more hard stuff is around the corner. Wanting to forgive is a real start
but it's only the beginning. And it's crucial you recall your part in this, so that it goes both ways.
Anyway, as 25 warned, it has been a rough couple weeks but we're still moving forward. H has been supportive, answers all my questions about the A and has definitely been meeting my needs of affection and quality time. I've cycled between bouts of rage, despair and depression and I'm still not sleeping through the night, but the anxiety is getting better everyday.
Finding out about my H's affair has been one of the most heart-wrenching painful experiences of my life but I am doing my best not to lose hope that we can regain our R. As 25 mentioned it is important for me to consider my part in this crisis -- I was not happy in my marriage and had withdrawn from my H. I was seriously considering D myself so I absolutely know that I contributed to the downfall of our R. H and I have talked about this issue in depth and so much more came to light during our Retrovaille weekend. I will talk more about this later...
Oh, and a lovely twist in the road was when ex-ow's H called our house a couple weeks ago. I called him back but got his voice mail and then decided I'd rather not talk to him. Instead, I sent him a message on FB and let him know that I knew about the affair and also informed him of his lovely wife's crazy antics, specifically how she kept calling after she was told she was upsetting our children. He never responded and hopefully he set her straight as I mentioned that if we heard from her again, we would seriously consider a restraining order.
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
How are the kids?
They're both hanging in there. H wrote D16 a letter expressing his remorse but she said she's still not ready to talk about it in person. However, H is happy she's at least letting him drive her to school again and she does say good-bye to him now. I'm going to talk to her about what we learned at Retrovaille this week and then H will ask her again to speak to him in person. I think she will be receptive this time.
As for S8, he is still worried and he watches H and I like a little hawk. If we're alone, he will make up an excuse to come in our room every few minutes. He's told me he's concerned we're going to fight if he leaves us alone for too long, even though I keep assuring him that we're not fighting. Poor little guy. We hug and kiss in front of him everyday but he's still cautious. I hope in time he will feel safe.
Originally Posted By: paige40
Thank you. I needed to read something like this. Gives me hope that one day I too can post this.
Good Luck and I am really happy for you!!
Thank-you, Paige. I hope you can post that you are piecing someday too. ((()))
Originally Posted By: jbnati
E - I'm going to agree with paige. I am so glad you are heading in the right direction. This gives me hope as well. Don't think for one minute I want to go through the Hades you had to go through to get on this road, though! I don't envy you one bit for that!
Hope you are having a great day today, E! ((()))
jb, again I can't thank you enough for your support during all this. I always felt a little better when you posted on my thread especially when I first began this journey. I will forever be grateful. ((()))
More on our Retrovaille experience later tonight or tomorrow...
E, Glad to hear things are moving in a positive direction. The road will be long and hard but you are strong and worth the effort so just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
The fears, pain, anger, etc. that your kids are experiencing will fade over time. They are on their own journey now, their own timeline to heal and forgive.
Keep loving and supporting them they way you have been and trust that God WILL continue to take care of your family.
Looking forward to hearing about your Retr. experience. It's about time we get a positive story on this forum!
((((E)))))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
E, again I was thrilled to see you out here again. I am SO glad to hear Retrovaille was everything you expected and maybe even more. I'll definitely stayed tuned to hear more.
I am very thankful you are heading in the right direction now.
