DG, your posts really hit me hard and I can feel your pain. Right there with you, sister.
I have also learned a great deal about how I contributed to the demise of my R, and that in itself is a tough pill to swallow. I find myself thinking, if only I could go back to this time last year I could fix it....but what good does that do me now?
I guess we just have to get to the place where we can realize that as bad as this sux, and it really, really sux, we'll be better people in the end.
