WHG, IMHO you are not far off... if off, at all...
The amazing thing I find is how my W displays traits and I have learned of her past through her and others... combined with my past, being an ACOA, etc... it's just like... wow... it all just fits... and there's nothing wrong with me... with ANY LBS... to look at this stuff...
because...
it can be relevant in how it relates to the LBS... and what the LBS can do about THEIR part...
I will put myself out there and submit that DBing doesn't preclude BOUNDARIES regarding R... When we say we will only consider R IF our spouses go to IC or something else... that's a condition...
If we say that we cannot tolerate being subject to the emotional trauma and dramas that our spouses... that is a boundary...
It could be argued they are the same thing, but we know... they are not...
a condition is an attempt to control someone else... that goes against DB principles...
a boundary is a method of protecting ourselves... which is pro DB principles...
And if our spouses seek IC and they can consistently match their behaviours to meet our healthy boundaries so that we consider R...
