I just feel that with all of the hard work we are putting into ourselves, GALing, and DBing, that we deserve a big pay off and being alone right now isn't fair.
I agree. I believe there is already been payoff now. The payoff is coming in other places right now and not so much in my M. I am doing a lot of things I wouldn't have done but always wanted to do. I'm also making a lot of new friends. I think I was just about as guilty as many other guys around here and I just sat back and let my W run my social life. I don't feel that's the case anymore. I want to continue building on it, though. If I'm ever able to rebuild (I like that term better than restore) my M, I think going through this season is necessary to get to that better place in my M than we've ever been.
All this doesn't mean I don't have the craving for companionship. It doesn't mean I don't have the thoughts of upgrading to someone who is committed to the M. When I really process those thoughts, though, I think I realize they aren't as idealistic or feasible as they may sound on the surface. I also need to do what I feel is the right thing to do. I especially have to be able to look my S in the eye someday and tell him straight up that I did everything humanly possible to save the M and his family. My preference would be to rebuild a new M with a new me and hopefully a new and improved W.
