Youngster Questions Reality, WAW Moves On...

[workinghardguy]

Westcoast... I know where you're coming from. Very early in my sitch I came across materials on BPD. I'm still not convinced that there isn't some of that in my W. Particularly because of traumas from her childhood she's only recently revealed and things she says about herself. I don't see it so much as me looking at her behaviors and trying to armchair diagnose them... rather, she tells me very specific, concrete things that she feels are wrong with her and you literally could go down the BPD checklist.

I'm coming to a realization, for myself, that even if we were to recon at some point I couldn't commit to it unless she agreed to participate in IC. I know that's anti-DB principles, but there is just so much there. It's like our house is falling down in an earthquake right now. Rebuilding it without having the foundation (each of our mental health) checked would be foolish.

This isn't to say that I wouldn't be willing to work on recon with her. Or that we couldn't take our time. But at some point, especially once I feel I am in a healthier place, I can't be with someone who is very unhealthy.

The challenging part, of course, is that the checklists are fairly vague and "squishy". At any given time people can be diagnosed as one thing or another I imagine. So I try not to attach too much value to any one idea or area. And ultimately at the end of the day, mental health issues or not, my spouse still wants to split up and we still have children being drug through the mess.