new to this..

[learning2listen]

Today is a very sad day for me...Im finding it hard not to break down at my desk, There is no reason for this, nothing has happened, no communication what so ever!

I decided after his last cruel text message to stop texting, talking etc... unless it was to do about d's..

Well apparently, he is doing the same thing. I am finding it so hard to believe he hasnt tried to contact me, even if to just check on kids. He hasnt contacted our d either.

I have a fear that by not contacting him at all he wont have the courage to want to try. He will think I am better off without him. I keep hearing his words, "i will survive, so will you and so will the kids.."

it has only been 3 days with no communication but i am really struggling. Why is he doing this? Maybe I am foolish and there is someone else? I really dont know why he would lie about it? He told me he doesnt love himself so how can he love anyone else? I just know that I was a pinnacle role in his life and now I am nothing.

Part of me thinks he is testing me, I know he has trust issues with me, I have given him no reason for this, except I take pretty good care of myself, I get alot of attention, however Idont act on it, I kind of think he is seeing if given enough rope will I hang myself? the thought of anyone else in my life makes me want to throw up! How can he not know that?

I am tired of the emptiness.. tired of being sad, tired of it consuming my every thought. Maybe i need medication... ha ha.