Well a reprieve I guess. STBX didn’t show tonight to mark and pack no communication she just didn’t show at 18:30 as arranged. It is not the first time I have been keyed up and waiting then had to stand down.
I think I will have a cocktail the sun is over the yardarm.
I expect her tomorrow with her crew and a truck. So only one or two.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Not to get your mind spinning but you have mentioned multiple times about her pushing back to try and get control of this process.
Do you think she was trying to take back control tonight by not coming?
And why should she be able to come over tomorrow? Not that you should make all the rules.. but I'm curious as to why you would allow her to when you have been clearly making a statement that you will not be a doormat or disrespected.
The ball continues to stay in your court. The next play is yours for the taking.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
It is done. Another step in this process complete. I apologize for the length of this post.
I was pleasant, even helpful. She cried and was upset a few times. Several of her support group comforted her. These were all her new friends. She is still playing the victim. They played the rescuers. Though I have been cast as the persecutor I refused to participate. I refused to give up one item, a box of loose pictures.
I did run afoul of DB principals a few times. I caught myself using endearing terms like dear and honey a few times. They were a natural part of my vocabulary when addressing her. Since I am no longer angry or resentful about her recent acts they just cropped up when I addressed her. It’ll take a conscious effort to remove them.
After they left I moved a few items around to fill in the blank spots, made a list of items I need to replace, and picked up my dog from the kennel. I also formalized a goals list for the next month to two years.
DG, my issue with being gone is exactly that. After she left in January I missed items most of them trinkets, some of them valuable. She did return my wedding band this morning and I thanked her for that.
I am still attempting to figure out what possible use she has for the desiccant bags from the gun safe.
Since she had a crew from her new church here I wanted to be here. It provided me an opportunity to demonstrate I am not the ogre I have been portrayed as. In that I feel I was successful. I was not the person heightening the drama, causing pain and upset, yet she was clearly upset and looking for comfort. The person making her upset is herself.
While being gone may have been easier, it is not in my nature to take the easy route for only that reason.
Val, I have left out details of the drama for the sake of brevity.
The initial list of household items was extensive, including most of the furniture. Since then she purchased a mobile home that I understand contained furnishings. When she did she wanted to hold an estate sale here selling the furnishings she no longer needed.
No, I will not hold an estate sale here for you to sell your furnishings. Take them and sell them elsewhere.
So the next push was to move her goods out over two weekends packing and marking on Friday nights, and move items after 1:00 PM on Saturday and Sunday.
No I will board the dog for your moving day; you need to accomplish it in one day. I will not have this drama spread over two weekends.
So the next push a girlfriend and her to mark and pack on Friday and about a dozen people going through the house moving items out. I compromised on the girlfriend on Friday, and insisted on paring down the number of strangers tromping through the house on Saturday. Friday became Wednesday. I held to Friday. Friday became Monday. I held to Friday.
Quote:
Do you think she was trying to take back control tonight by not coming?
Only she knows for sure, she managed to get me to expend some nervous energy, and inconvenience me for a few hours. If that give her a sense of control so be it.
Throughout the past month she continued to push up the move weekend. I held to this one, as this was the one we had originally agreed to and I had made arrangements to board the Mastiff.
So this morning there were eight people plus STBX in a frenzy of activity moving a greatly pared down list of household items. I am currently sitting on what is now my couch to arrange to be cleaned. For the most part it was not chaotic. It certainly could have been worse.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Sorry man... I know it's a step in the process and to some degree probably provides some relief. But I have to imagine it still sux.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
JS : Just checking to see how you are doing... Yea the WAS's are very good at playing the victim role.
I was watching the show 'scrubs' over the weekend and if you know the characters, 'doctor perry' in one of the episodes says 'Most of the sucessful marriages hold out because one of them is willing to fight for both of them till the end...' You are doing your part, very admirably. Take pride and happiness from that. Thats all we can do for now i guess.
Stay safe man!
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Journaling: This will ramble on some and be incredibly mundane.
28 years ago I sat in my living room glued to CNN. I was newly discharged, married for a little more than a year with a 6 month old daughter. STBX asked I stay home committed to the relationship. I have.
Now there is no relationship to remain committed to. The past is the past, I must move forward.
Saturday I lit a candle and spent some time reflecting.
I completed some of the get ready for winter/fall projects at my and mom’s house. There is still another section of snow fence to put up. I am hopeful this will lessen the amount of shoveling and the number of times I ask the neighbor to plow the driveways.
Archery leagues should be starting soon I am looking forward to that and another visit with my cousin in Kentucky this time. When the snows get deep enough there will be CC skiing again. The inside of the house needs to be painted. I have ask our daughter to help me choose the color palate after she teased me I would turn it into a celebration of beige.
Next spring I need to build a storage shed/garage and put a deck off of the dining room. I am looking into fulfilling an old path not taken, at a jump school in southern Ohio. Our daughter has stated a desire to do a tandem jump at the same time for the experience.
If I can save my nickels and dimes, lots of nickels and dimes, this time next year I’ll be shopping for a touring bike. Presently I am considering used Road King Classics. I want a bagger with windscreens.
This sitch has been quiet since October 15th when she moved the last of her household items. She left the picture albums and boxes of loose pictures to go through later. It was obvious she was getting upset when she began to look through them and it remains to be seen if she will put herself through that exercise again. Frankly I do not think she will, but time will tell its story.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
