yeah....it happens..... I just SO don't want my S to have any of the pain.... know what I mean??? 25, i still say, you have a gift. I'm so glad u are here.
thank you, thank you so much...
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Hey IS, I just wanted to stop in. Sorry you're having a string of rough days. Sounds like you're in good hands this weekend with 25 Sending some hugs and prayers your way. ((()))
Thanks again for the support. BTW Jb, realormakebelieve and I have been trying to find you in the 'alternate universe' but neither have had any luck, although we were able to find each other
Journaling: yes, it's been up and down since Monday night. My DBing flies out the window sometimes.... Then i always have to remind myself to start over and forgive myself -- mistakes are normal. Living in the situation I'm in right now is NOT normal - nor conducive to any sort of PMA. That's a big part of the struggle.
Seeing W today after she had been out with OW--- knowing where she had been, hearing her last night reiterate "I don't love you the way I need to love you anymore" My insides hurt. My heart hurts. My body hurts.
Last night she said again -- 'your changes are good for YOU but won't get you anywhere (with us). I don't trust you (when I asked for some clarification---I've never lied, cheated, etc..) she said she doesn't trust my motives. She is always vague with this sort of thing which makes me believe there is a lot of justification.
She also reiterated that she does not think I'm consistent --- but she absolutely CANNOT give me one example of where i can 'change on a dime' except for the example I mentioned earlier in the thread where years ago she told me she did not like the 'bickering ' we were doing. I stopped immediately. OK. Still not sure how that was bad....
Yesterday - or night before? *bad weekends run together in my mind..... she also told me that she is always watching my changes, but doesn't trust they are real. (so i remembered 25's motto of consisten change...)
She also says I just talk too much in general. She says OW only talks about "important things".... Yep, OW is a prize -- it must be getting chilly up on that pedestal. U know, they've only been seeing each other in person anyway, since August 15. (they connected of course through that GD Facebook) Two months today. That's definitely not long enough for the new to wear off, nor any of the real person to show through. I'm trying SO hard to be the better choice - to be the person only a fool would leave. I just feel beaten.
She says she needs to move out to actively pursue OW - and that she needs her own space. I'm just too THERE--- she needs a break from me....etc... etc.... I'm not so sure that is a bad thing anymore.... as hard as it is to be with her now -- she's so nasty and obviously doesn't want to be with me....(at all)
My DB coach had told me to try to get her involved with S and I more on family things. It seemed to be helping... now....she's just being COLD COLD COLD. I think (no, i know) I'm in panic mode because of the thought of her moving out - and taking my baby. And even more terrified that this person I thought I knew so well might take my baby and move in with this OW she barely knows.
I also fear that OW will be really good with S.... she's an elementary school teacher.... she may have tricks I don't for kids..... I'm what-iffing. But I'm not giving up.
Every day is a new chance to try again. I'm working full time on being QUIET at home now. Making it peaceful so she doesn't want to leave. I'm confused as hell.
Sorry this was so long.....rambling...
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
Thanks again for the support. BTW Jb, realormakebelieve and I have been trying to find you in the 'alternate universe' but neither have had any luck, although we were able to find each other
Journaling: yes, it's been up and down since Monday night. My DBing flies out the window sometimes.... Then i always have to remind myself to start over and forgive myself -- mistakes are normal. Living in the situation I'm in right now is NOT normal - nor conducive to any sort of PMA. That's a big part of the struggle. ---
Last night she said again -- 'your changes are good for YOU but won't get you anywhere (with us). I don't trust you (when I asked for some clarification Please tell me you are NOT asking for clarifications lately or anymore...you don't need it, and she doesn't have it.
---I've never lied, cheated, etc..) she said she doesn't trust my motives. She is always vague with this sort of thing which makes me believe there is a lot of justification.
So don't bother...
She also reiterated that she does not think I'm consistent --- but she absolutely CANNOT give me one example of where i can 'change on a dime' except for the example I mentioned earlier in the thread where years ago she told me she did not like the 'bickering ' we were doing. I stopped immediately. OK. Still not sure how that was bad.... still? don't ask her for ANY feedback at all. Please.
Yesterday - or night before? *bad weekends run together in my mind..... she also told me that she is always watching my changes, but doesn't trust they are real. (so i remembered 25's motto of consisten change...) Means she wonders...but the more YOU TALK about the changes...the more you invalidate the changes. She also says I just talk too much in general. She says OW only talks about "important things".... why oh why are we talking at all about OW? Who cares? She's NOT Catherine Zeta Jones earning 7 figures...she's NOT...
she's a symptom of something missing in your m, or your w, or both...
Yep, OW is a prize -- it must be getting chilly up on that pedestal. U know, they've only been seeing each other in person anyway, since August 15. (they connected of course through that GD Facebook) Two months today. That's definitely not long enough for the new to wear off, nor any of the real person to show through. I'm trying SO hard to be the better choice - to be the person only a fool would leave. I just feel beaten. so soon? Mary, knock it off. Snap out of it! I'm sending you a slap through the computer. No more stinkin' thinkin'.... She says she needs to move out to actively pursue OW - and that she needs her own space.
SO Give it to her! What choice do you have anyhow? You want to cling to her legs as she's dragging herself out the door OR do you want to stand aside and leave her to her task? Up to you....(Um, I vote for the latter...)
I'm just too THERE--- she needs a break from me....etc... etc.... I'm not so sure that is a bad thing anymore.... as hard as it is to be with her now -- she's so nasty and obviously doesn't want to be with me....(at all)
My DB coach had told me to try to get her involved with S and I more on family things. It seemed to be helping... now....she's just being COLD COLD COLD. I'm loathe to disagree with a DB coach. But if it's not working, it's not working and if she's moving out then your choices above are the choices you have. You have been dealt a lousy hand. Play it well, or fold. Your choice.
---And even more terrified that this person I thought I knew so well might take my baby and move in with this OW she barely knows. Did you see a L about her taking s4? I also fear that OW will be really good with S.... she's an elementary school teacher.... she may have tricks I don't for kids..... I'm what-iffing. But I'm not giving up. what? You're "not giving up" on being a mom? Well Thank GOD!
F*k the OW being a teacher and therefore "really good w/S" as if that means you would get replaced...really? Then How come my 3 kids still like me?
How come they don't say "Gee mom, wish my teacher was my mom instead of YOU..."?? B/C kids know the difference between a parent and a teacher, even a "cool teacher and a nerdy mom"...and btw, worst case, s4 will outgrow the elementary teacher...fast.
Every day is a new chance to try again. I'm working full time on being QUIET at home now. Making it peaceful so she doesn't want to leave. I'm confused as hell.
Sorry this was so long.....rambling...
if she leaves, she leaves. You'll survive.
And MAYBE she'll be able to see the truth a little faster and YOU won't have to be so damn quiet.
you sure don't strike me as the loud incessant talking type...but then, you lack that "effortless emotional connection" we ALL have with our spouses...
(SIGH)...
mary, feel better now? B/C you ought to!! The more she gets to know her OW the sooner you'll look better
if you keep working on the traits YOU choose to work on. Don't buy into all the crap she says PLEASE. If she tells you Bill Clinton is an Iranian spy from Mars, will you investigate that? (I asked you this before but you glossed over the question. The point is, her viewpoint is IRRELEVANT!)
It's NOT real data...it's her spew.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
IS I wish I could hug you over the pc. I know how hard this is. But I don't know why you keep falling for her tricks? She is baiting you and trying to get you into a fight and she is doing a better job. She is justifying her behavior. YOU are way toooooooooo smart to let that happen again. Stop talking, our WAS have already left us they are single in their minds. If I got this right we the LBS need to mirror that feeling and think single and things may change. I send you HUGS and Pray for you again.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
too tired to really do a good reply but thanks 25 and Rick
Especially for 25's virtual slap. Dude, it hurts!! But it made me take notice.
Yeah, I'm pity partying right now --- and NO I definitely am not giving up/in. I'm working right THROUGH the pain and even though it's not always apparent, I have really learned some valuable things already.
Will write more tomorrow. I've actually got a paper due tomorrow. (I cannot stop going to school.....:) I've been in college literally since 1984. Several degrees later....LOL....) that's one of the things about GAL. I've actually always been SOOOOOO busy --- one of W's complaints was that I put her last.....
Anyway.... i'll respond more detail tomorrow because as usual GEMS to reply to. (hugs) and I'm thinking of you guys also.
Me (f): 45 W(f) 35 T: 13 y C: S4 adopted at birth 6-18-11 bomb: I want to break up 8-28-11 OW confirmed
IS, I think you know what you need to do. It sound like you really need to back off. Like 25 is essentiallly telling you, don't believe what your W is telling at face value. It goes along with the believe none of what they say and 50% of what they do.
If your W moves out, it does cut both ways. However, you may actually feel some relief. You will really have a good opportunity to spend some quality time with your S.
Sending some hugs and prayers your way. ((()))