Yep.........I'm still here

[Valeska19]

It's been one of *those* days today.
I guess I'm still beating myself up for being such a coward yesterday.

You chose to avoid a situation that you KNEW would be painful for BOTH you and your son. How is that being a coward? Sounds like a pretty loving move instead.

I'm seriously beginning to doubt that DR & DB actually work. Yes they are both good books and I have learned from both of them, but I feel it is deceiving to think you can save your M just by reading the books.

Well as you know.. DR & DB are to save YOU first.. maybe M. I completely understand your frustration because some of DBing includes interactions with your H.. which you don't have.

It's a hard pill to swallow when it you hope it affects your m and it isn't.

Are you happy with how DBing, DRing are affecting you as a person? As a potential mate?

I want to stop hurting. I don't want my heart to feel broken anymore. I have a friend who tells me that once I file D paperwork that I will start to heal. I fail to see how a piece of paper is going to make me feel one way or the other.

Well I don't think it will stop you from hurting.. but I suppose it can heal. I know if/when my D finalizes.. my w and I will have no contact. Does that hurt - absolutely.. however am Ilooking forward to not stressing about my sitch or opening up wounds when I see her - absolutely.

However the question is - can I do the latter w/o the D?

I miss my H. A LOT. When I get into these funks I tend to start thinking about the past and all the mistakes I made and took for granted and I get very p*ssed off at myself. How could I have been such a heartless b*tch?

That's stinkin thinkin. Look we all make mistakes.. and we all have to live with the consequences of those mistakes.

Did your flaws contribute negatively to the marriage - sure.. Did you single handily destroy your marriage - doubtful.

It takes TWO destroy and rebuild a marriage. Own your part but don't beat yourself over it.

Forgive yourself DG. When you feel those thoughts, that's the old DG hanging on. Look at yourself in the mirror and say "You know what.. I'm not that woman any more. She doesn't get to control me!

I no longer buy the "everything happens for a reason" BS.
Sh*tty things happen because sometimes life is sh*tty. Eventually you deal with what has been handed to you and make a new normal for yourself.
I don't believe God intended for me to have a sh*tty childhood, nor does he intend for all the other awful things in the world to happen. It is what it is and that's that.

No he didn't but I do believe God allows things to happen in our lives to become better people.

((((((( ))))))))) Hang in there lady. You're making great process. Don't let yesterday take that away from you!