W is moving out.....life goes on...

[In_Shock]

Thanks again for the support. BTW Jb, realormakebelieve and I have been trying to find you in the 'alternate universe' but neither have had any luck, although we were able to find each other

Journaling:
yes, it's been up and down since Monday night. My DBing flies out the window sometimes.... Then i always have to remind myself to start over and forgive myself -- mistakes are normal. Living in the situation I'm in right now is NOT normal - nor conducive to any sort of PMA. That's a big part of the struggle.

Seeing W today after she had been out with OW--- knowing where she had been, hearing her last night reiterate "I don't love you the way I need to love you anymore" My insides hurt. My heart hurts. My body hurts.

Last night she said again -- 'your changes are good for YOU but won't get you anywhere (with us). I don't trust you (when I asked for some clarification---I've never lied, cheated, etc..) she said she doesn't trust my motives. She is always vague with this sort of thing which makes me believe there is a lot of justification.

She also reiterated that she does not think I'm consistent --- but she absolutely CANNOT give me one example of where i can 'change on a dime' except for the example I mentioned earlier in the thread where years ago she told me she did not like the 'bickering ' we were doing. I stopped immediately. OK. Still not sure how that was bad....

Yesterday - or night before? *bad weekends run together in my mind..... she also told me that she is always watching my changes, but doesn't trust they are real. (so i remembered 25's motto of consisten change...)

She also says I just talk too much in general. She says OW only talks about "important things".... Yep, OW is a prize -- it must be getting chilly up on that pedestal. U know, they've only been seeing each other in person anyway, since August 15. (they connected of course through that GD Facebook) Two months today. That's definitely not long enough for the new to wear off, nor any of the real person to show through. I'm trying SO hard to be the better choice - to be the person only a fool would leave. I just feel beaten.

She says she needs to move out to actively pursue OW - and that she needs her own space. I'm just too THERE--- she needs a break from me....etc... etc.... I'm not so sure that is a bad thing anymore.... as hard as it is to be with her now -- she's so nasty and obviously doesn't want to be with me....(at all)

My DB coach had told me to try to get her involved with S and I more on family things. It seemed to be helping... now....she's just being COLD COLD COLD. I think (no, i know) I'm in panic mode because of the thought of her moving out - and taking my baby. And even more terrified that this person I thought I knew so well might take my baby and move in with this OW she barely knows.

I also fear that OW will be really good with S.... she's an elementary school teacher.... she may have tricks I don't for kids..... I'm what-iffing. But I'm not giving up.

Every day is a new chance to try again. I'm working full time on being QUIET at home now. Making it peaceful so she doesn't want to leave. I'm confused as hell.

Sorry this was so long.....rambling...