Yep.........I'm still here

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling---

It's been one of *those* days today.
I guess I'm still beating myself up for being such a coward yesterday.

I'm seriously beginning to doubt that DR & DB actually work. Yes they are both good books and I have learned from both of them, but I feel it is deceiving to think you can save your M just by reading the books.

I want to stop hurting. I don't want my heart to feel broken anymore. I have a friend who tells me that once I file D paperwork that I will start to heal. I fail to see how a piece of paper is going to make me feel one way or the other.

I miss my H. A LOT. When I get into these funks I tend to start thinking about the past and all the mistakes I made and took for granted and I get very p*ssed off at myself. How could I have been such a heartless b*tch?

I no longer buy the "everything happens for a reason" BS.
Sh*tty things happen because sometimes life is sh*tty. Eventually you deal with what has been handed to you and make a new normal for yourself.
I don't believe God intended for me to have a sh*tty childhood, nor does he intend for all the other awful things in the world to happen. It is what it is and that's that.