Haven't been posting much on my own thread. I do want to tell you all how much the support has meant to me since I found this place almost 2 years ago. Thank you for helping me through the darkest days of my life, and for continued support while walking this path. God Bless you all.
Now, another report that H's MLC is still in full force.
About a month or so ago, D19 contacted her Dad and asked him if he would like to attend a college tour with her on Oct 22. He asked her if it would be just him and her. She told him that she intended to ask me to go along too, and it would be just the three of us, if I went. He told her that his company would be sending him out on several trips in the months of Oct. and Nov. and that he would check his schedule and get back to her.
H did get back to her a couple days later and said that his schedule was clear and that yes, he would be going. He also asked if I was going and D told him, yes. According to D19 he seemed fine about it.
Yesterday, D and her father, were chatting via FB. D asked him if he still planned on going with us next Saturday. He said, what? where? She reminded him of the college tour. He started giving her a hard time about it. Asking why if she'd made up her mind about this college did she have to go on a campus tour. She said they require her to. He asked if he was going to get any say about it??? She asked him what he meant. He asked if he was going to have to remain silent while some pompous ass bored him. Was he going to have to sit through while she was advised about which classes she should take, etc.
He knows what these college tours entail. We went on many with when S24 was looking at colleges.
He ended the conversation about it by telling her he'd see what he could do.
This exchange made D19 feel bad. I told her that we'd go and make a whole day of it if Dad could not make it.
SA, I'm sorry. He really didn't want to go and was telling her what she wanted to hear when she first asked him about going. I can't even imagine telling my child the stuff he did about sitting and listening, etc. That is a very selfish man who is still acting out as a teenager. He very well knows what a campus tour involves and he should be supporting her in this, not finding excuses.
If I were your daughter, I would plan to go w/you and not say another word to him about it. Your daughter shouldn't have to beg her father to go with her. I know that you and your daughter will make some very special memories on this trip. Make the most of it and do not give him another thought...he's the loser here.
Yes, he is still crazy, but he's the pompous @ss.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you Snodderly. Those were my thoughts exactly.
I guess what threw me somewhat was the fact that he told my daughter he'd get back to her about going after checking his schedule and he did it without prompting from her.
At the time when he told her he'd get back to her about it, I thought yeah, right. I have to admit that I was surprised when he did and committed to going. Then, he asked if I was going.
I admit I was shocked about that. Unfortunately, I'm not shocked about the recent exchange.
SA, You are not the reason he isn't going...he knew you were going from the beginning. He wants his daughter to "beg" him to attend. He wants to feel important....
By him saying that he had some business trips to go on, I knew from that comment that he would be looking for an "out". He may fools us yet and attend, but play the victim for having to sit through the orientation briefings.
Again, I wouldn't wait on him. I would make my plans and enjoy yourselves.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Again, I wouldn't wait on him. I would make my plans and enjoy yourselves.
We have done just that, Snodderly. After the college tour we plan to go shopping and then have dinner at our favorite restaurant in that city.
If H decides to grace us with his presence, he will be told of our plans and given the option of taking separate vehicles so he can leave for home after the tour.
SA, I'm glad to see that you've made your plans. I think you are very wise in giving him an option, if he should be so kind as to grace the presence of you and your daughter.
I think it's just awful the way he behaved. This is a very special time for your daughter and one that should be shared w/both parents. Oh, well...his loss and one that he will never be able to recover.
Enjoy your day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
How typical of the MLC'r. Empty promises and no follow through. If they can't be made the center of attention, they pick up their jacks and go home. Love between a parent and a child should be no strings attached.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
I agree 100% that love between a parent and child should come with no strings attached.
When H first left he liked to say to the kids that he left me, not them. He, however, has shown our children multiple times that he did indeed leave them, too.
I have no idea whether he can't see or understand when he hurts one of them or just doesn't care. When one of the kid's points it out that he has hurt them, his usual response is to buy the offended party something. He has not apologized for any misdeed or hurt he has caused them and cuts them off if they try to talk to him about it.
As predicted by Snodderly, H did not attend our D19's college Open House/Tour. He did not 'get back to her' as he said he would do about whether he was able to work it out about going, even after he committed to it when she asked him about it a month ago.
It was just she and I, and we had a great time, took lots of pictures, and made precious memories. Of course, she chronicled it all on FB.
On the way home she thanked me for always being there for her. My heart ached for her knowing it was one more thing her Dad disappointed her in.
I thank the Good Lord for being able to share that with her and check out the place she will be attending. Beautiful campus!
I am so proud of her as she has worked hard to be a successful student through all that has happened in our family.
