I want to add one more thing. Then I'll leave this thread and make a new one.
Basically, I'm really starting to wonder if my W really never loved me the way that she said that she did. I felt like maybe her comment about crying during the ceremony was pure marital revision, that she was making that up to justify her A. But now I'm starting to think that it may have been fact...
In the weeks leading up to the wedding, my W told me that she was feeling doubts about it. That she was having doubts about us getting married. She said that she wasn't sure why she was having them. She said that she guessed that she was scared that my "thoughts" would "come back" (at the time, I had them pretty well under control.) We reassured ourselves that it was probably nothing and that it would go away.
Well, the wedding came. And it was a beautiful ceremony and reception. However, my W never seemed truly happy during it. We did have an amazing first dance. She kissed me and looked into my eyes adoringly. I did feel at that moment that she was happy... But I don't remember once hearing her say, "I'm so happy." After the wedding was over, she just seemed kind of tired and unsure.
During our honeymoon, we had an amazing time in Las Vegas. However, at some point, she said that she was still having doubts about us and felt like we might have made a mistake. She still wasn't sure why she was having these feelings... It terrified me to hear this. I remember sobbing on my knees, "Please don't leave me!" She was instantly touched by my emotions. She said that she rarely saw me cry so sincerely...
I just don't know. I know that her A was not the way to end this, but maybe our M really was a mistake. Maybe I should really just let her go and hope that she has a much better life without me...
