I want to add one more thing. Then I'll leave this thread and make a new one.
Basically, I'm really starting to wonder if my W really never loved me the way that she said that she did. I felt like maybe her comment about crying during the ceremony was pure marital revision, that she was making that up to justify her A. But now I'm starting to think that it may have been fact...
In the weeks leading up to the wedding, my W told me that she was feeling doubts about it. That she was having doubts about us getting married. She said that she wasn't sure why she was having them. She said that she guessed that she was scared that my "thoughts" would "come back" (at the time, I had them pretty well under control.) We reassured ourselves that it was probably nothing and that it would go away.
Well, the wedding came. And it was a beautiful ceremony and reception. However, my W never seemed truly happy during it. We did have an amazing first dance. She kissed me and looked into my eyes adoringly. I did feel at that moment that she was happy... But I don't remember once hearing her say, "I'm so happy." After the wedding was over, she just seemed kind of tired and unsure.
During our honeymoon, we had an amazing time in Las Vegas. However, at some point, she said that she was still having doubts about us and felt like we might have made a mistake. She still wasn't sure why she was having these feelings... It terrified me to hear this. I remember sobbing on my knees, "Please don't leave me!" She was instantly touched by my emotions. She said that she rarely saw me cry so sincerely...
I just don't know. I know that her A was not the way to end this, but maybe our M really was a mistake. Maybe I should really just let her go and hope that she has a much better life without me...
W admitted that she had been crying because she knew that she was making a huge mistake. No one but OM and I knows this.
Wow doesn't it make you feel great that she shared that with you and included you in the elite company of those who know her deep dark secret about you along with other man?
Marriages fail because one or both parties have stopped investing in and committing to the life of the M.
Sounds like she never was in this West. And now she is blaming you for her choices and unhappiness.
Have you onwed everything you did or did not do in this M?
Not what she is telling you.
What you know you should have done to commit to and grow your M?
OK.
Beyond that is hers. ALL HERS.
She is trying to blame you for the failure of something she had no investment in.
Sure she'll hang around for the upside but she's not going to get dirty helping you make it work.
Why would you accept less from someone than you are committed to giving yourself?
Do feel she was equally yoked in this thing with you?
Did she stay because she pitied you?
Do you think you are deserving of pity?
I don't mean that you are worthy of pity and compassion everyone is
BUT
Is that who you are?
Are you the poor victim here?
Or
Is she someone who doesn't have the ability to surrender herself to investing in a relationship?
What do her actions tell you?
Then her words?
Is this someone you can count on to be your partner?
Do you think she has the ability to do this for someone? Not just you anyone?
She has issues to deal with in her PTSD and unfortunately this inability for empathy (not sympathy) and giving of oneself to a partnership like a M is part of it IMO.
It is not your responsibility to be the band aid to all her insecurities and emotional whims so don't fall for the selfish trap.
Own what you need to own. Not what she says you should.
Then
Take a step toward being a better man
...and away from someone who would make you a scapegoat of there own poor choices.
Start stepping today West.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
