Very very sad. I feel for you, I'm ahead of you on this one. That s*cks. One thing I learned, as long as OM was in the picture, DB, 180, etc. just didn't have much of an impact. Hopefully you will feel better about your efforts to date, because they would have borne more fruit without OM. No wonder she was so angry about the original FB incident!
If there is any help or advice I can give, let me know. I was not able to make progress until OM was over, and then there will be a period of grief and anger for W, when all you can do is tread water. She will be the harshest on you when OM is gone in my experience, because now there is a hole, and she won't let you fill it for her, she'll just be angry.
I caught a huge stroke of luck because OM either had a crisis of conscience or was caught, but he did the textbook "cease all contact now and forever" -- defriend on FB, changed mobile # and e-mail address, blocked on chat, everything the way you *should* to recover your M.
That's why I'm a bit less "snoop hostile" than some. If OM is there, I believe you have to DB differently. You have to tread water, but I don't believe you can make much progress toward reconciliation. Your goal is to not drive them farther away, and not to reinforce their self-inflicted belief that you are the ultimate bad guy, and that's a different goal than trying to draw them closer. Maybe the actions are exactly the same, but your expectations and attitude cannot be.
Hang in there my friend, let me know if I can answer any questions for you about my experience here.
--Accuray
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
