Yes I wish they had some immunity to it all. But such is life.
My father was really upset that H left when D turned 13. He felt it was so important for her to have a good R with her dad, especially at that time. He stepped in and did a big reno project with middle son then and also spent extra time with D.
I'm with you on your D22's authentic speech about her grandmother. I could never figure out how "loyalty" to the wayward child meant disowning your own grandchildren. Maybe that's a clue as to WHY the MLCers act the way they do. My ex had a lousy childhood - alcoholic dad, unloving mom - both were married mid teens and had 5 kids in short order - they were not mature enough to raise kids. And every single one of the kids ended up divorced and a couple of them alcoholic as well.
We do the best we can. And what I'm trying to teach my kids now is that life happens. And learning to make the most of the imperfections is what makes us strong.
