though we are reconciled, I still see the damage done, mostly to my middle child d22. She was 16 when h left and he missed her last 2 years at home.
She now thinks she's bisexual. Though I don't "really" have a problem with that in theory, I KNOW my kids. She's not bi or gay. She's hurt and the man who hurt her left a mark. (Now my OTHER d, the tomboy I would have believed, but she's boy crazy. D22 was always a ballerina, very very feminine and talked about princes and fairy tales and romance....h wounded and deserted her at a crucial time. Even now when he and I are together on it, down deep I guess I still shake my head about how predictable this was. Of course they'll feel differently! (On that note, while apart for 2 years, my mil NEVER once called our d's to see how they were. Never visited or asked for them, or anything. SO when mil passes away and d22 spoke at the funeral, d22 said she wished she "had known her grandma but just b/c grandma didn't know d22 does not mean g-ma didn't love her...." And h and his brother were "Shocked" to hear that d22 didn't "KNOW" how much g-ma loved her...
I almost said "are you kidding?" My family was there too, and sisters said, "Thank God d22 gets it. She said nice things, BUT she was also authentic..." AMEN...
H feels terrible about it all now. In his defense, he IS trying and when she came out, he said the right things. But I think it kills him. D22 asks what he tells me about her coming out and honestly hate to say it but he NEVER brings it up.
But even when you have a good outcome, the kids are hurt. My biggest mistake?? Letting h's MLC or whatever it was, bother me so long before I took charge of MY life....wish I'd moved on faster. Possibly would have gotten back toegher faster but IDK.... What I could have done differently? I guess maybe I could have div and remarried some great guy? That assumes a whole lot...
OR somehow have more PDA now in front of her? Hmmm, have to ponder it.
Thanks for sharing.
Wish kids had immunity to this.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
