one of the most common extortionary tactics WAHs use, consciously or not, is the threat of suing for custody of kids, including kids they rarely see unless forced.
Sometimes it's to save money, pure and simple. THe more "custody" they have the less support they pay. Sad but true, as far as being a motive.
Othertimes it's weird control factors or its the desire to hurt the mother. It's our weak spot, our vulnerable Achillies heel.
As a L doing legal aid years ago, I heard MANY women tell me "I just want my kids...that's all" and I had to stop them and
say "Really? So living in squalor for the next 10 years is fine as long as you dont' have to fight this battle? 'Fraid not...battle gear ON..."
Don't cave in on that. Your fears are understandable BUT NOT legally realistic. Remember this.
If you are the primary caregiver, and you are documenting his visitations (start now if you have not) and it's almost always happening at your urging...yeah, good luck buddy...he won't get anyhwere. His "time with her" is spent watching her play soccer? That's nice but what do they do one on one?
Don't let him bully or extort you on this.
Yes, still be kind & upbeat and GAL..but when he tries this tactic, it's a low blow and you cannot react to it. Make specific plans for her and you and invite him IF you want as was suggested but try not to notice his weirdo confused games...the push/pull me stuff is a waste of time and energy. So is trying to understand HIM when he probably doesn't understand him...
Journal about when he sees her, and don't be the one to initiate ANY of their contacts for now. Also, given his holiday comment, I'd bet he has seen a L and you need to protect yourself.
Protecting yourself is NOT inconsistent with DBing...I found it empowering to know my rights and felt better about CHOOSING to work on the m, rather than feeling trapped. Do you get that?
Right now you are letting fears dictate too much and the fears are NOT reasonable. IOW, there's no monster under the bed. He wont' get your d.
If he ever could manage to actually have half custody and spend that much time with her, I'd probably think it would be good for their r. But I don't believe it's likely given his history.
Keep GAL and DBing...have you talked to a coach?
And here is some free legal advice that applies to DBing and R talks...? Shut up....that's the advice...(sorry if that sounded harsh; it is meant to be memorable). just stop the R talk directly or not. Most of these things are things YOU can plan without "pressuring" him for decisions now. In fact, I'd say if he does not initiate anything in writing or orally, make the plans yourself for yourself and her.
Assume most of the time it's you two, until he changes that custom. You can invite him...without making him responsible for planning an event. But
If he's not scheduling time with her, don't you do it, not when custody is in dispute. Not when he wants to strong arm you. No....
make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
