but you wont do the same

[25yearsmlc]

ajm

my mc told me once that if I chose to stay m, at least don't let 'fear of being alone" be a factor. That surprised me (he was a DB mc too, btw).

his point was that there ARE decent men out there and not to fear being alone so much that I became a doormat or lived in a trapped marriage in effect.

While legally separated, I did date. It was weird at first and I was very careful. But I did have some fun. The good news is that I found myself genuinely attracted to 1-2 men, (didn't sleep with them so no weird regrets there). They were intelligent and fun, and it was very good for my ego.

Mostly, It gave me a glimpse into a possible future without h, that was a happy one.

And ALL the men who asked me out in the past 5 years (married or not) had kids of their own, btw. One of my brothers told me he knew if he remarried, that the woman would have to already have a child of her own and he was glad b/c otherwise she'd want one of her own w/him, and he didn't want to be a father again.

(He had 3 girls of his own and his 2ndw brought her 3 girls into the m and yes, they had a girl of theirs together (oops!) so they have 7 d's. See why he would not want another child? Most men over 35 will get that. THEY may want another child with you, so figure that out. But don't assume "no one wants a woman with 2 kids." It's modern reality.

The better news is that in general, I found myself thinking that the pre-MLC h of mine, was better suited for me than 95% of men out there. H is very smart, not threatened by my income or IQ or degrees, he gets my jokes, he's active, etc...so don't assume that your h's dating is all about you looking bad by comparison. I'd be surprised if that were at all true.

IOW, even though I enjoyed meeting these OMs I mostly came away thinking that h was the best one for me...unless he stayed in his MLC, in which case there were other very pleasant options out there.

I pass this on, fwiw. And b/c I know limbo sukks.

(( ))