I definitely remember my w saying similar things to me in regards to me changing to get her back. The last we had a talk (granted two months ago) she was like "I feel like I have to be mean to you in order for you to get it."
25 always post that saying about sufficient time + positive changes = changes she can believe in.. (I may have screwed that up.. sorry 25!)
The point being is.. if your 180's are for her.. she will see it. If the changes are for you.. she will push it to see if she can believe in them. Pushing comes in many forms. Usually they hurt a little bit.
I know you know this and I believe that you are looking inward and changing yourself for YOU.
so realize that her words.. is all part of the process.. and whether she knows it or not.. is fear based. Because if was true and you changes genuine.. what reasoning would she then have to leave the marriage? She would either have to find a new one or look deep in herself? The 2nd option - is so much harder!
I posted on my thread last night in regards to my sister. We were close when I was a young adult and somehow our relationship became about how I could help her. Watching her kids, giving her money.. etc. Any phone call meant = I need something Val!
I was so over it that I ran away to college in Chicago.. but that's another story.
Together we are repairing our damaged relationship but honestly after 11 years.. I still hesitate to believe in her consistent changes. She stopped asking me for anything over 3 years ago so although my feelings are understandable..I also realize that it is my BS holding me back. It's now MY CHOICE to believe her changes. KWIM?
So keep working on you and if your w decides to believe it.. great. If not - her loss. Just know that at some point (maybe even from the beginning) it's out of your hands.
Don't allow her "pushing" to discourage you for a long period of time. Does it hurt - sure.. but ultimately this is about saving you.. then M.
P.S. I can't remember but did you ever talk to that L in regards to you S. Can she just move out and take him with her?
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
