Feedback is an amazing thing and I think it should be respected and learned in the same way as a martial art...
I have been witness to very few people who are black belts in receiving feedback... I have done it myself and I'm no black belt...
Imagine standing in a room full of people, some you know, some you don't and for 3 minutes... a full 180 seconds... you stand in front of people who give you feedback... some feels great other feedback... not so much... and it is your job to process these second by second comments and make no comment on it but simply, internally weigh the validity of the feedback and integrate it in how you will change... immediately... on that feedback...
I don't know if I came anywhere close to what it's like, but it's... well... wow... it's quite an experience...
The point is, feedback is feedback and generally, it is reflective of only one, very specific and immediate and short moment... life is fluid and we change every moment as others around us change every moment as our environment changes every moment...
When your W says something to you, it is in the moment... based on you... based on her... based on the environment...
It is your job, if you choose to accept it... to accept and integrate that feedback as you see fit... and then let it go...
When your W says to you later, "I didn't mean it..." Unfortunately and the brutal honest truth here is, she's lying...
She DID mean it...
But... what she's really saying is, "I meant what I said when I said it, but I am fluid and I change and you change and the environment changes and I no longer feel that and therefore I feel I need to apologize in a way that I best can, by saying I didn't mean it..."
And that in itself is feedback... of the moment... and it is your job to accept it, process the validity of it (and it is valid, in that moment) and then... let it go...
I hope that made sense and there is nothing easy about it... even for the pros...
It's called "Being in the here and now"...
You get billions of moments to live... but the ONLY moment that counts is the one you are in... RIGHT NOW...
When we think back and question and process the past... we are no longer living this moment... we have deprived ourselves of a moment that we should be truly appreciating... because this moment will be gone... NOW...
