know sure what to make of this

[workinghardguy]

David... one idea to think about, and it goes to your assertion that somehow you are the cause of her unhappiness and pain. Consider this quote:

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. - Miguel Ruiz

I know I originally was where you are... I was the cause of my W's unhappiness. That's not true. My W's unhappiness is HER unhappiness. She has made choices on how to react and deal with our R, and those choices have brought her unhappiness.

This isn't to say that there aren't things I can do to change myself and by extension change our R. By changing our R, through changing myself, it may change how she interacts with our R and thus ameliorate her unhappiness. But maybe it won't... maybe she'll still choose to react in ways that make her unhappy.

I have friends who are deployed in combat zones overseas. Some of them are unhappy and some of them are happy. But each of them is responsible for their own happiness.

At this point our W's have decided, or are thinking at least, that in order to take charge of their happiness they need to leave our R. The goal is to make ourselves better. Then when our W's decide to re-evaluate life they may think that the path to happiness lies within the R instead of out of it.