Where the WAW is basically unhappy with her husband.
The thing that bothers me about reading a LBH saying he feels better if the W is having a MLC rather than her be a WAW....is that it's not saying very much about that man, now is it? Sounds a little selfish to me.
I'm not sure how that's selfish? Please explain. It's not like I want her to be in a MLC. I think it's just easier for me to understand. Are you saying it's selfish that I would prefer her being in a MLC because an affair would be too painful for me?
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A S in MLC can be just as cold & cruel as a WAS. So are you really saying that it would be easier to forgive if they aren't in an A? That sounds more like a fragile male ego.
I'm not saying it would be easier to forgive because my S did in fact have an affair. I'll try to explain what I mean. To me I don't understand why she left. She said she was unhappy, and I know she was. I completely own up to the things that I did wrong. I don't think that what I did warrants a divorce, but that's not the point. My point is that I really just do not know what is going on her head. One week she tells me she loves me, the next she doesn't even want to talk to me. I don't understand what is going on. I'm not making excuses. I just don't know, she won't really talk to me right now. Let me reiterate, I did things wrong too. I'm not passing the buck here.
Considering that I don't understand it. To me it's not logical. It would be easier for me to accept things if I knew she "wasn't in her right mind". Now that I just typed that out I see what you are saying...."I don't understand" and "It would be easier for me"...yeah that sounds pretty selfish.
In my situation she would tell me she wasn't happy and then come back later and told me she didn't mean it and she was saying things out of anger. I hate the fact that she really meant it when she said it. The last thing I want is for her to be unhappy. As painful as it is, if she's happier without me, then she needs to be without me. I'll be straight with you, all I want to do is to love her and let her know how wonderful she really is. It's too late at this point. I should have done that before she left. The part that bugs me is that I thought I was. She told me that I was a good husband and treated her well.
In short, it just doesn't make sense. How can I work on something if I'm told that she didn't mean it? I guess the real question is, why did she always say she didn't mean it?
So, maybe it is a fragile ego. Maybe it's just a huge amount of confusion. Maybe it's both. It's something I'm going to have to evaluate and be honest with myself about it. Sandi2, your words hold a lot of weight with me. I've read your posts and you are very insightful and honest. I have a lot of respect for you, so, if you think it's me having a fragile ego, then I'm willing to be it is.
All in all, I know it doesn't have to make sense to me. In her world she's unhappy and hurt. That's reality. I wish I could march right in and take all that away. Somehow or another I seem to be the cause of it. All I know to do right now is give her space. If it doesn't have to do with the kids, then I leave her alone. The person she had an affair with (a woman, btw) dumped my S to work on her own marriage. So, I'm sure my S is hurting there. I do have to say though, that it is hard for me to understand how I'm the "evil husband" when she has an affair with another woman. To me, that tells me that she is confused...about a lot of stuff. She's on match.com...looking for men. I know she's been battling with depression and anxiety for years now. Again, I had my faults, but I think that there are more issues at hand than just me. If she had an affair with a man, I could understand more....but a woman?
The thing I think I need to remember is that she's not something I can fix. I can hope and pray that things will work out between us...but that is not up to me. I've got to focus on working on me (not for her, but for ME). All I can do is change myself and hope for the best.
