Looking for the silver lining...

[irishblessings]

As most of you know - I have struggled quite a bit with expressing or even letting myself feel anger over my situation. I've felt an immense amount of sadness, embarrassment, despair - but little anger.

I think it is changing. I have been so angry over the last couple of days. XH's choice to divorce has intentionally and selfishly made life SO hard for my son and myself. The work of living - maintaining the home - the kids' lives - the money - it is so very difficult to keep it all going and I am ANGRY because I feel like it is so unfair that his decisions have such a profound impact on MY life. From the time he left - he has NEVER looked back - NEVER!!!! I have tried to keep it together and keep it going - but I am SO MAD that he led me on for so long. That he LIED through counseling - that he turned his back on his vows and on our faith. I am angry for my son because if he wants to share something with his parents he now has to make extra efforts to reach his dad. My son feels so much stress any way - just the normal senior in high school drama/stress - WE as his parents should still be together and providing for him a safe, secure environment. I am angry that I allowed myself to align all of my self-esteem in HIS opinion of me. Then when his opinion of me became the hideous target and scapegoat for all of what ailed him it knocked me out. Now I am trying to figure out how to live a life where my priorities are God, Self, Family instead of Husband, Family, God.

I am venting - I know. And I know I sound somewhat immature - a written tantrum - but I got to get these poisonous thoughts out!!

Thanks for listening!