take all that in please. Instead of reacting to it instinctively which is to hold yourself harmless in all this and blame it all on your w--
don't.
No way is your w solely responsible for financial mismanagement of the family.
Know why? B/C if she were solely responsible, you let her be.
So no more of that stuff. And speaking as a woman who likes to think of herself as independent and a bit of a women's libber but with some traditional values in there too...
it strkes me as unattractive to be m to a man willing to live in MILs home for good. And who never takes responsibility for investing or saving for anything...or who never helps me meet my goals as a team.
If all you did was say "no" then she probably felt she HAD to "take" the money and spend it.
In any case, You can't continue to blame others for having no savings, or living paycheck to paycheck. I fail to see how you can do that even now.
Why didn't you open an IRA or contribute to a retirement account? If you say "b/c we could not afford to", I'll slap my forehead. No one can afford NOT to save, it's personal finance 101. Pay yourself first (savings) and then pay bills and spend on fun things.
and if you say "She would not let me"
I'll screw my head in the ceiling. Even if you believe it's true, that she did "not let" you do these things that adults and MEN do for their families (it's called "providing" for) then can you see why she's not attracted to that part of you? I mean it's NOT masculine to let your w do all the spending for decades, save nothing on your own, live in her family's home for free?? and then blame her for the finances... Dig deeper my friend, and be brave about it.
The ONE thing all the success stories have here, is that the LBSer owned way more of the problems in the r, after being here awhile, than when we began-- We all arrived here feeling victimized. In some ways we all were. But I think the LBSers who changed the most, succeeded the most.
Stop focussing on her and start on you and YOUR work...and only yours.
Besides, There's clearly a bright side to this coming. And I think you being financially solvent, & with your own place finally, will do wonders for your self esteem and how your family sees you.
Don't underestimate the value of that.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
