Yep.........I'm still here

[Valeska19]

DG
Health insurance is definitely a big topic and can be a heated on.. much more so than a cell phone.

Before you take this big step, make sure it is a step that you are ready for.

That you have thought about the consequences to yourself.. not H.

You are going to get alot of feedback here and I just encourage you to dig deep within yourself for the answers and reflect on your feelings.

As long as you can reach a conclusion that is both loving to you and not vindictive towards to H, you will be alright.

[Valeska19]

*heated one.

[~¤DG¤~]

I don't have any ill feelings towards H nor have I/will I do anything to purposely hurt him.

25- in answer to your question, no, nothing has been filed. He doesn't owe me any support since we have no children together.

I'm not ready to file for divorce. I don't know if I will ever be.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling---

Made a delicious dinner tonight! Parmasen chicken. Super easy and so delicious!
I also made a pumpkin cheesecake and my house smells amazing right now. I've never made cheesecake before but found a super easy recipe. I love baking this time of year!

[~¤DG¤~]

Well, the plan was to attend a fall festival but when we pulled in I saw OW's car and H's car parked a few spaces over.
Call me a coward, but I didn't want to see him, especially with her.

I knew if S10 saw him, or saw his SB7 he would get very upset.

So we left.

I know eventually we'll run into one another, I just didn't want it to be today.

I guess I am comforted by the fact they didn't ride together like one big happy family.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling---

Despite earlier today, the kids & I had a good evening. Went a a BBQ that some friends of mine invited us to and it was a good time.
A friend of hers has a big blow up bounce castle, and I decided to try to jump in it.

LOL have I gotten old. I bounced for about 30 seconds and that was enough for me. When I got out my body felt like I had just done 60 stomach crunches. My friend took a picture and I can't wait to see it.

She also mentioned that my H had sent her an email a while back, responding to an old email she had sent him right after we split up. She thought it was odd since they haven't spoken in a long time. He said something along the lines of he missed some of his old friends and makes him want to cry sometimes. She responded back that a lot of things that have happened between us has made her want to cry also. She was disgusted when she heard about OW, and was with me when I found out.

I don't quite know what to think about that, but I guess it doesn't really matter.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling---

It's been one of *those* days today.
I guess I'm still beating myself up for being such a coward yesterday.

I'm seriously beginning to doubt that DR & DB actually work. Yes they are both good books and I have learned from both of them, but I feel it is deceiving to think you can save your M just by reading the books.

I want to stop hurting. I don't want my heart to feel broken anymore. I have a friend who tells me that once I file D paperwork that I will start to heal. I fail to see how a piece of paper is going to make me feel one way or the other.

I miss my H. A LOT. When I get into these funks I tend to start thinking about the past and all the mistakes I made and took for granted and I get very p*ssed off at myself. How could I have been such a heartless b*tch?

I no longer buy the "everything happens for a reason" BS.
Sh*tty things happen because sometimes life is sh*tty. Eventually you deal with what has been handed to you and make a new normal for yourself.
I don't believe God intended for me to have a sh*tty childhood, nor does he intend for all the other awful things in the world to happen. It is what it is and that's that.

[any chance?]

DG:
I feel for you. Hang in there. Several of my friends are encouraging me to go for the D when W is here for a visit next week. Don't really know what that would do for me. I miss my W terribly. She has given up everything - home, job, friends, our M - and moved 1500 miles away. This is her deal, her turmoil, but I am overwhelmed and devastated.

We both need to be strong and believe in ourselves. I don't know why these things are happening to us, but we need to be strong to make it through. Despair will eat us alive. We cannot give in to the funk. We need to be strong and keep moving forward. Tomorrow is a new day. One step at a time. Hang in there.

[OneLessWife]

DG I too have been following your sitch, I have been in your shoes for way to long. I have found myself and learned that I will be ok, my realtionship with my girls has been restored. I am a work in progress as they say. However how did you know your time with your C is over. I have been seeing a C for about 18 months. I was twice a week and now I am down to once a month. I feel real good after talking with her, however its seems we never talk about the same stuff, in my realtionship or just about me....

On another note, my D will be final this Thursday and my STBXW is still on my insurance and will be for another 6 weeks. However at her job she just got her insurance and its lousy to say the least...(I work for a city and have great health, vision and dental)....we are on somewhat goods terms and today I had lunch with her to talk about our five daughters and somethings about college. Anyhow she told me that her company may be closing her store and that means no insurance.....I know and think that she has been pondering her situation with OM, she has said a few little things that I have caught on to.....I know health insurance is not a reason and as of right now I don't know if I would consider a R....any advice, sorry to hijack but once I got started I could not stop.....Have a great day.

[~¤DG¤~]

I am a work in progress also, and eventually I will be ok, I just wish it wouldn't take so long to get there.

Maybe I'm having a pity party for myself, I really don't know, I guess I'm just mad at myself for being such a b*tch to my H and pushing him away.

I bought the movie "Bridesmaids" today. I love this movie not only because it's hilarious, but because I can relate a little bit to how the main character feels about her life.

I know what my problem is, my problem is me. I'm also the solution.