WAW in Los Angeles

[wawinla]

Journal:

I met my WAW wife last weekend. She stated again her objectives regarding the unwinding of our M. Namely, she is fine with whatever the financial consequences are with walking away from our home/condo, she needs to move on. I don't agree, but after consulting L, there isn't much I can do and am resigned to letting her get what she wants while doing my best to minimize "damage" to me.

What differed about this meeting than past visits, was the emotion I saw from my WAW. She seemed sad. She hugged me several times, said "I love you", and stated it's a shame you didn't wake up sooner as I wouldn't have taken this course of action.

Since the visit, I've been tortured by our conversation. She said her friends are pushing her to date and she's been hesitant. She said all the men that have expressed interest in her have been younger, so she feels like a cougar. Her mindset is she needs to be alone and enjoys being able to live her life without having to consider someone else needs/feelings. She's taking each situation on a case by case basis.

She told me about the usual office politics at her job. This is important since she's never been happy there and I sensed that once she is "free" from the obligations of M, she will look to leave. This is a pattern with my WAS, she's extremely intelligent and gets frustrated in her professional life when dealing with folks who are not as competent as her.

My WAS also told me that she reached out to her estranged family for the first time in 12 years. She told me that she would see them next year upon completion of some personal things she needs to take care of. Translation--she wants the D finished before seeing them. Her timeline for the D is to have it completed before the end of this year.

The point to this? She's doesn't seem happy, but is "happy" that she is in "control" of her future on her own terms.

I've been on emotional rollercoaster since the visit. Getting up in the morning has been a chore and I've been melancholy since. I've also had bouts of anger, since nothing is irrevocable and so it seems like a throw away line for her to say "if you had awoken sooner".

My friends say she's emotionally manipulating mr to get what she wants from the settlement. Moreover she's too caught up in her MLC and that it'll be awhile before she wakes up (if she wakes up) and that I need to move on.

She's coming again this weekend to sort through her belongings and to throw away things. We've obviously acquired quite a bit of stuff after being together for almost 20 years -- things from college, grad school etc. I plan on being positive and not emotional (not sad or angry).

I thought I had done an okay job with detaching, but I guess not.