Wife and I taking a half a day of from work this afternoon to be with each other. She is leaving for a week on Sunday so I wanted some time with just her- no kids competing for our attention. I was hoping for a happy, sunny day but instead it's cold and raining. Don't know if it's the weather or the fact that my wife is still not feeling close to me that has me down. All I want to do this afternoon is hold her and make love, but that is NOT going to happen. Trying to put a happy face on, but it's hard for me- always been a "heart on my sleeve" type of guy.
W thinks her healing will be a long process, as she has been harboring resentments for years. She says that she has been watching me for months with the changes I have made and has been so happy to see that the changes appear genuine and permanent. Unfortunately, she says she still feels anger inside for past hurts, and can't move past it. As a result, she still does not feel in love with me. She never says she does not feel "in love", I thinks she is afraid to say it out loud, to make it real. She always phrases it another way, but the meaning is clear.
In my simpleton mind I don't really understand why the healing should take so long. Why can't folks just get over it and accept the real changes in front of them? How long does it usually take folks to get through something like this? Some days I feel like I am wasting my time. I told her this and she said back "but our marriage is worth fighting for". So confusing ! Maybe we need to see a pro- marriage counselor sooner rather than later.....
Is anyone actually reading this??? It feels so silent out there.......
